Wednesday, September 19, 2012


Well...  Summer happened.  We were busy.  I sort of just took off. 

Josie and I did a ten week session with Judi's House in Denver.  They do amazing group support/grief counseling and  we came away with some new coping skills and understanding.  Josie needed it.  It was nice to have that one on one time with her every week while we drove.  Six hours round trip, lots of car time.

It has been dry.  Not a great year to be a farmer.  Wheat actually yielded a bit better than expected, but we are now sowing wheat in dry ground and getting ready to pick drought stunted corn.  It happens, it's a season of dry.  It will change.

Sarah turned three.  It was beautiful and her party was perfect and she sparkled all day. 

We marked three years since Marie went to be with Jesus.  Luke and I gathered our girls and packed up the pickup and the dog and found ourselves at the lake again this year.  Soft sand, sunshine, wind... we had a good day just being with our three girls here and remembering the one who flew.

Eva is just growing like crazy.  It's amazing how she went from this tiny being we didn't know to being a little girl in a years time.  She is funny, naughty, cuddly.  She is Daddy's and it warms my heart because he would never admit it but he has been so lonely with Marie gone.  She is his too. 

Luke and I are good.  We will mark eight years of marriage on the 25th of this month.  It is hard to believe that's all the time that passed.  I feel that we've been together forever, that I've been with him longer.  Sometimes I think it's possible that my soul has.  We've been through more in these eight years.  I am blessed to have him walk beside me.

I am good.  I am finally feeling like we've gained ground.  Like it's okay to be happy.  We are a different family.  So much has happened in three years, life is different.  I am not the person I was before.  In many ways I am but some parts of me have aged or wizened so much that I don't feel like I did before Marie being gone.  I miss my innocence.  But, God has carried us full circle and we have come to a good place.  Things are marked by Marie's absence but also by the way that she is still here, still this family, still the second born.  It's okay to be here and be happy and feel these blessings.  It's a process.  In three years time I imagine it will be different still...

 Today Luke started picking corn.  Season's change.  Things move.  It is.  We are.  It's good. :)