Our last few weeks in pictures...

I don't know why this loaded sideways... Josie and Marie taken Saturday, August 22.

Taken Sunday, August 23.  Teething and not feeling very good, plus they were both sort of annoyed at me for putting them in the grass.

Taken Friday, August 28.  Marie went home to Jesus that morning, Sarah stayed in the hospital until Saturday.  Bittersweet...  Marie met Sarah the night before.  We took photos of Josie holding Sarah then but Marie was not feeling well.  I just cuddled her, fed her butterscotch pudding and didn't put her down as long as she, Luke and Jo were with me.  We didn't take any photos of Sarah and Marie together, though I have a very clear picture of her wide eyes looking at her tiny sister in my minds eye.  We were so worried about Marie, she was not herself and just so very tired.  She hadn't really slept since Monday and we were scared... though I don't think we would have ever guessed she was so close to going Home.

Flowers for Marie, we had so many come to the house and they were all beautiful.  I photographed each one to save...  Such a foggy week, all the days blurred together.  The flowers were beautiful though, and we're so grateful to everyone who sent them or cards.  We felt such a strong sense of being surrounded by caring people.  It is amazing.

September 3, 2009.  Marie would have been two and half years old that day, we celebrated her life.

Baloons for Marie...

Marie's wreath, made by my dear friends mother in law.  It was only supposed to last a few days, there are still perfect blooms on it in my living room...

A gift from a very special person, the gladiolas that we covered Marie's grave site with.

Sarah sleeping, getting chubby.  Starting to really show her personality.  Beautiful tiny girl, our gift, our blessing. 

Sunshine

Missing Rie Rie is easier if it's done in the sunshine.  It's hard to be sad when it's so beautiful outside... yesterday I sat and sunned, and watched Sarah sleep in her car seat in the shop.  I watched the sky from a hot black seat on the four wheeler while Luke prepared the drill for sowing wheat.  I watched him work while I was lazy and it was nice... nice and quiet for remembering beautiful things... nice to see him at his work because I often don't get to watch him.  Nice to see Sarah sleeping peacefully, nice knowing Josie was happy to be at school on a Tuesday, nice to picture Marie running through fields of Heaven like the fields of home, and nice to feel the sun on my back.  Right now, that's enough. 

Remain

Album: Camelot Falling
Song: Remain
Written by: Mike McClure
Performed by: Mike McClure Band

I've been out there in this wicked world
And it pulls me under sometimes
And I can't say I’ve had many days
That it has not messed with my mind

Chorus:
Everybody's searching for the end of the rainbow
I'm just trying to smell the rain
And every joy it seems to be wrapped up in sorrow
Behind every pleasure there's been a touch of pain
But I will remain

Highs and lows
Ups and downs
Heavenly highs and crashing grounds
But you walk a mile in my worn out shoes
Walk yourself right through my blues

Chorus:
Everybody's searching for the end of the rainbow
I'm just trying to smell the rain
And every joy it seems to be wrapped up in sorrow
Behind every pleasure there's been a touch of pain
But I will remain

I've always really like that song.  I like it better now, because it is me.  Only I'm a little lost and not sure who I am anymore.  I am a mother of three, only one is in Heaven and one is independent as hell and puts on that she doesn't need me with every ounce of her energy.  I am a wife... to a grieving husband and my heart breaks for him at the journey he's had to walk.  I'm a sister who doesn't have the energy to talk or to call, I'm a daughter who has always very much disliked being told what to do.  I'm a child of God, I'm an emotional eater.  I am numb with grief yet every ounce of my heart aches with a pain that is hard to describe.  I am a nail polish junkie.  I'll figure it out someday.

Right now I get the feeling I am walking in quicksand, I am moving so slow, my thoughts are moving so slow.  And I'm told that's okay, it just doens't feel okay.  Everything feels so different and I'm a little lost and a little terrified.  The ordinary is overwhelming right now...  I'm grateful for those who care.  For the ladies bringing dinner because I can't string together the process to prepare it right now.  Beyond taking care of the girls I'm sort of non-functioning.  My time management is terrible without Marie and I'm lost without a schedule of meds and feedings to tell me what to do.  I would just talk to her all morning, now I could talk to Sarah, but she's sleeping...  I am so lonely without my little companion.  I am going to the farm this afternoon with Luke...  there's too much house here today and it's too quiet.  

Grateful...

Thursday was a beautiful day.  The only morning of the last week not plagued by fog, and Marie's service was just perfect.  Now we're on our own again and trying to get things sorted out.  Everything is the same, but without Rie it feels different.  I have a lot more time on my hands.

I catch myself wanting to pick her up and kiss her face, longing for her but I wouldn't wish her back.  I'll see her again, and for now I'm trying to just stay grateful for the two years, 5 months and 25 days I had of Marie.  Each moment was a blessing.  I'm just trying to stay grateful for holding her as long as I did, for those moments were a gift.  To keep sadness at an arms length, though I'm not always successful.

I'm also grateful for our family, friends and community.  I'm grateful for the meals, the hugs, the cards, the donations that will help Marie live on by good works.  I'm grateful for the fields being worked by good guys.  For the time they're spending to ready ground for sowing in the coming weeks.  Because, though grief has come and muddled up life, the farm won't wait.  She needs her fields tended, the wheat needs sown, and it cannot wait.  It's odd not being sure how to move and being pulled forward anyway.

I'm grateful for Josie and Sarah, they keep me from turning inward and letting darkness swallow me.  They are still here, they are joy and they need me.

Grateful to everyone who cared for us in the last little while, and a huge thank you to those who are working Saturday to help us out.  We are blessed.

Psalm 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
(thanks Matt)

Sarah... and Marie

Because my two girls are forever entwined, it feels right to share these together.

Please meet our dear Sarah Kate.

Those of you who have met Josie's friend Bunny can appreciate the bottom picture.

Now, Marie.  I felt it only right that I wrote her final piece of this world though trust me, this is by no means the end of Little Mama's story.

Marie Isabel Schlachter woke in Jesus’ arms on August 28, 2009 finally being fully healed from her battle with Leigh’s Disease. 

Marie was born March 3, 2007 in Holyoke to Lucas and Shannon Schlachter.  She was diagnosed with a debilitating neurological mitochondrial disorder early on but that did not define her.  Marie was a lesson in faith, joy, and hope and she bettered the lives of everyone who knew her.

Her final days were not spent suffering but in swinging, eating ice cream, and being with her family. 

She is survived by her father Lucas, her mother Shannon, big sister Josephine Ann, little sister Sarah Kate, Grandparents Steve and Judy Schlachter, Grandparents Bob and Debbie Gullet and Robert McNevin, Great Grandparents Kenneth and LaRue Schlachter, Great Grandmother Lola Wicker, Aunt and Uncle Glendon and Stacey Price, Aunt Annalee McNevin, Aunt Marika McNevin, Uncle Mickey McNevin, cousin Gavin Price, and many great Aunts, Uncles and extended family as well as many close family friends. 

We are blessed to have held her for as long as we were able and look forward to the day we reunite with her again. 

A memorial fund has been set up at First Pioneer National Bank.  Memorial contributions will be divided between Eli’s Angels and Hospice of the Plains.

Details about Marie's service.

It does not feel real that I am typing these words... and yet, it's happening.  I'm so happy for my Little Mama, so sad for us.  Sarah is beautiful and so far, a very good girl.  Being that she is sister of Josie and Marie (two girls capable of great misbehaving) I am expecting this will change.  Below are details for the service.  Thank you all for the continued words of support and prayer, they mean more to us than words can say.

Marie's service will be at Zion Lutheran at 10:30 am.  She was baptized on Easter, this will be a re-creation of that service.  Her "Easter 2" as our Pastor called it.

Memorial donations can be made to Eli's Angels and Hospice of the Plains.

Apparently all the hotels in town are booked up.  There are rooms available at the Ramada in Sterling.  They have a bereavement rate.

Thank you all so much, we are touched and blessed.

Jumbled thoughts and comfort found...

Firstly, thank you so much for everyones prayers and so many words of comfort.  Luke and I have read through everything, we have taken comfort and strength from your words and are blessed by your prayers.  Please keep praying, for at the moment we are lost.

At this time we are making decisions about Rie's service, we will update when we know. 

We take comfort from:

Marie's being perfectly whole and healed by the grace of our Lord Jesus.  In the words of a very special boy, "can you see her running?".

Our girls, Josie and Sarah.  Even in despair we are blessed with a new bundle and she is beautiful.

In the words of one of Zion's lions, Bob Marley:

"Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Each by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou:"

Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh!
Every little thing is gonna be all right. Don't worry!"
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing" - I won't worry!
"'Cause every little thing is gonna be all right."

We also find comfort in the words of our Heavenly Father, I hope they bring you all peace as well.

Romans 8:18-27

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

Romans 8:38-39

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

Psalm 62:5-8

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. "Selah" Trust in him at all times, O people!

Angel--heavenly being: in some religions, a divine being who acts as a messenger of God

This is the Schlachter's Family friend Tami, updating for the family.   God is amazing, his acts are amazing beyond what we can begin to comprehend on this earth.  Sarah Kate Schlachter came into this world yesterday, healthy and beautiful. As she came into this world with so much joy. She got to meet her sisters.
As with the joy came an unimaginable pain.....................
Special angels were sent from Heaven to guide her sister Maire to our Father, the Lord Jesus.  Sweet Marie passed away in her sleep this morning. She met her sister last night and was at home in bed with her favorite person, her daddy.  She went peacefully.  We ask for prayers, for strength, for guidance.  Please pray for this sweet family, they have been such an inspiration to everyone they know.  There faith is amazing!
I or Shan will update with further information.  I really am at a loss of words right now.
Sweet Marie has made her Jouney Home,  We love you Marie!

My email is tamiweatherby@msn.com

Today...

Today I dropped Josie off for kindergarten in my pajamas. I never thought I'd be that mom, the one in sweats and flip flops in the drop off lane. You know what? It's not such a big deal;)

Also, today I confirmed that I will be checking in very early on Thursday morning to have a baby. We're a little excited!

Isn't he something?

Still here, no baby. :) That said, life goes on. I have a dr appointment tomorrow and I'm still planning on being induced Thursday. At 41 and a half weeks. Whew.

Lots of other things go on too, Josie is loving kindergarten. Me? I'm just shaken every morning when I drop off my shining star and she doesn't need me to walk her in. She throws her backpack on her shoulders, head back, half a smile on her tiny mouth and marches into school like a woman with a purpose. She loves it. I'm glad she does, it makes it easier, but still it's very hard letting her go. She doesn't need me to walk her in to school. How did she get so big so fast?

Marie is doing alright... heavy thoughts there.

She's cutting her two year molars, teething is hell for Marie. Lots of movement issues the last few days, she can't sleep steadily but wakes and arches and grunts and hurts. Tylenol helps, but not with the Dystonia that seems to be worse with this additional stress on her body. She's drooly and so she chokes more, feeding her is more intense. More attention required, and she doesn't feel good and doesn't want to eat by mouth. She chokes and arches and hurts... it sucks.

After bathtime last night Luke mentioned how she's not really kicking anymore. She used to go nuts the moment we laid her on our bed for bath. She'd kick Josie with legs going a mile a minuet, both of them, just kicking for all she was worth. She doesn't do that anymore. When did she stop? How did we miss it? Is she just getting older and big two year old girls don't kick? Is she getting worse? Her legs are floppy most of the time now...

Still she smiles and giggles and is joy. So I'll concentrate on that.

Right. It's so, so, so hard to see changes in my baby. I don't know if I can put into words exactly how it hurts. Her life is formed with purpose, God lets me know that. I just. I just hate.

I just hate how she must suffer so.

So, before I cry I'm going to just focus on good things. Like this.

We went to the county fair one county over. They have the biggest county fair in the state they say. They have a great carnival. Lots of happy times, lots of wonderful pictures. I love this one most.

Isn't he something?

Because Marie is Marie, only God knows what her future holds. She's tiny and floppy and can't hold on. Because she can't hold her head up, or wrap her legs around the pony, Daddy does.

Isn't he something? In Daddy's arms that girl can do anything. How lucky am I to have him?

Update on Baby...

Well, Tuesday was my due date but more importantly the first day of Kindergarten (Josie had an absolutely wonderful day and is loving every minuet since, she's just a little tired and crabby in the evening). No baby Tuesday, yesterday I had my 40 week appointment and following a stress test we decided to schedule an induction date for next Thursday, August 27. This will give baby plenty of time to finish growing and hopefully make an appearance on their own. I'm holding my breath on that as I had to be induced with both girls and have never actually gone into labor on my own, but there's a first time for everything.

Marie and I are puttering through our mornings, it is so quiet with Josie gone at school. We were going to go for a nice walk this morning but it's so windy here, and the wind steals her breath so we're getting ready to play some games on Sesame Street instead. She loves being able to do the computer because well, she's 2 and unless she's supervised that's sort of off limits.

So we're still here, not much news. Just hanging out and killing time until baby comes. With Josie gone the house is staying remarkably clean... so I don't have to worry much about that. The grapes in our backyard are beginning to ripen so that is sort of fun, I just have to figure out what kind they are...

First Day of Kindergarten

I Trust You'll Treat Her Well

Author: Victor Buono

Dear World:
I bequeath to you today one little girl...in a crispy dress...with two brown eyes...and a happy laugh that ripples all day long.. and a flash of light brown hair that bounces in the sun when she runs.
I trust you'll treat her well.

She's slipping out of the backyard of my heart this morning...and skipping off down the street to her first day of school. And never again will she be completely mine.
Prim and proud she'll wave her young and independent hand this morning and say "Goodbye" and walk with little lady steps to the schoolhouse.

Now she'll learn to stand in lines...and wait by the alphabet for her name to be called. She'll learn to tune her ears for the sounds of school-bells...and deadlines...and she'll learn to giggle...and gossip...and look at the ceiling in a disinterested way when the little boy 'cross the aisle sticks out his tongue at her. And now she'll learn to be jealous. And now she'll learn how it is to feel hurt inside. And now she'll learn how not to cry.

No longer will she have time to sit on the front porch on a summer day and watch an ant scurry across the crack in the sidewalk. Nor will she have time to pop out of bed with the dawn and kiss lilac blooms in the morning dew. No, now she'll worry about those important things...like grades and which dress to wear and whose best friends is whose. And the magic of books and learning will replace the magic of her blocks and dolls. And now she'll find new heroes.

For five full years now I've been her sage and Santa Claus and pal and playmate and mother and friend. Now she'll learn to share her worship with her teachers ...which is only right. But no longer will I be the smartest woman in the whole world. Today when that school bell rings for the first time...she'll learn what it means to be a member of the group...with all its privileges and its disadvantages too.

She'll learn in time that proper young ladies do not laugh out loud...or kiss dogs...or keep frogs in pickle jars in bedrooms...or even watch ants scurry across cracks in sidewalks in the summer.
Today she'll learn for the first time that all who smile at her are not her friends. And I'll stand on the front porch and watch her start out on the long, lonely journey to becoming a woman.
So, world, I bequeath to you today one little girl...in a crispy dress...with two brown eyes...and a flash of light brown hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs.

I trust you'll treat her well.