Harvest...

This is us.  A farm family half way through wheat harvest.  A long harvest.  A hard harvest.  In September my husband drilled wheat into dry ground.  We planted in the dust with prayers for rain.  No other options because this is what we do.  100% of our income is from agriculture, from this farm.

And the snows never really came.

This is a drought year, and not the first. The US Department of Agriculture puts us in extreme to exceptional drought conditions.  That means there is no moisture in the soil, not even really down deep, to grow plants.  We are totally dependent on rainfall and folks, what we've had isn't cutting it.  Low wheat yields, the millet's not doing well, and unless timely rains come corn harvest will be poor.  Y'all if this was the 20's it would be a dust bowl.  It's a testament to how responsible farmers are and how far soil conservation has come that its not.

And how do you raise kids with this weight on your shoulders.  How do we hide that we're worried?  Or are we just honest?  I don't know.  There's no parenting books for it.  Luke and I just are honest, and we ask them to pray.  They know it's dry.  And we smile and we laugh and we celebrate because at least there is a harvest.  It could be so much worse, and for farms far south of here it is.  Also, let's be honest.  Our life is pretty good.  There's just that niggly little thought in the back of your head, "how many dry years can we take"?

Still, harvest rolls on.  8 more quarters, or about 1200 acres left to cut.  And then we'll be done with this dry year.  Just millet and corn left.  And hopefully some good rains. I always tell Luke, next year we'll have so much wheat the bins will bust.  It's my job, to keep being optimistic.  And to pour the whiskey. 

Tuesday snow...

It's melting.We went out to the farm after school to check out the hog pen.  Jo's first year in 4-H and the first show pig will arrive this weekend, maybe.  Getting excited.

Eva dislikes the dog, and the mud, and her snow boots, and the four wheeler.  I'm just hoping its the last time this year we break them boots out.

Her tiny self is so stinkin' cute though.  Bow-leggedness!

What I wore. I like to think of it as farm wife chic. Or I worked out and never changed after.  Whatever.

Tretorn wellies, old GapFit maternity leggings, Patagonia fuzzy fleece jacket, John Deere Owners Edition ballcap, Vera Wang sunglasses.

We also made banana bread muffins with pecans and chocolate chips.  It was a good day :)

A long time gone...

I've been gone. Life has been happening at such a fast pace. Just soaking that up I guess, and watching these children grow. I actually thought maybe I would be done with this blog, but I go back and read Josie's life and Marie's, and I want that for Sarah and Eva too. So the day to day, the recording that I've avoided... Maybe it's a good thing.

And they are getting big! Seventeen months now and naughty as all get out. But she's sweet and my baby and I adore her.

My big girl had a birthday. She's nine now.

And this girl, still the blessing that pulls me forward.

Back.

Well...  Summer happened.  We were busy.  I sort of just took off. 

Josie and I did a ten week session with Judi's House in Denver.  They do amazing group support/grief counseling and  we came away with some new coping skills and understanding.  Josie needed it.  It was nice to have that one on one time with her every week while we drove.  Six hours round trip, lots of car time.

It has been dry.  Not a great year to be a farmer.  Wheat actually yielded a bit better than expected, but we are now sowing wheat in dry ground and getting ready to pick drought stunted corn.  It happens, it's a season of dry.  It will change.

Sarah turned three.  It was beautiful and her party was perfect and she sparkled all day. 

We marked three years since Marie went to be with Jesus.  Luke and I gathered our girls and packed up the pickup and the dog and found ourselves at the lake again this year.  Soft sand, sunshine, wind... we had a good day just being with our three girls here and remembering the one who flew.

Eva is just growing like crazy.  It's amazing how she went from this tiny being we didn't know to being a little girl in a years time.  She is funny, naughty, cuddly.  She is Daddy's and it warms my heart because he would never admit it but he has been so lonely with Marie gone.  She is his too. 

Luke and I are good.  We will mark eight years of marriage on the 25th of this month.  It is hard to believe that's all the time that passed.  I feel that we've been together forever, that I've been with him longer.  Sometimes I think it's possible that my soul has.  We've been through more in these eight years.  I am blessed to have him walk beside me.

I am good.  I am finally feeling like we've gained ground.  Like it's okay to be happy.  We are a different family.  So much has happened in three years, life is different.  I am not the person I was before.  In many ways I am but some parts of me have aged or wizened so much that I don't feel like I did before Marie being gone.  I miss my innocence.  But, God has carried us full circle and we have come to a good place.  Things are marked by Marie's absence but also by the way that she is still here, still this family, still the second born.  It's okay to be here and be happy and feel these blessings.  It's a process.  In three years time I imagine it will be different still...

 Today Luke started picking corn.  Season's change.  Things move.  It is.  We are.  It's good. :)
 

Happening...

It's farming time again.  Luke is in the field, I am on the home front.  Keeping up with the girls and their doings, gearing up for the end of school and a busy June.  It's amazing how days go by so quickly.  I have chores, Josie has stuff constantly, just getting through dinner, reviewing her days schoolwork, and bath time is a marathon.  Then Luke and I catch a precious few minuets alone watching something on TV and it's time to crash and do it all again tomorrow.

We got the garden in.  Luke and the girls did.  I didn't help.  I don't enjoy it like he does.  Luke loves the garden, and the soil, and the plants.  I just tend it.  Pulling weeds, harvesting, canning.  It is good to watch him though, showing the girls just how to push earth over seeds.  Hopefully he is planting more than lettuce, spinach, and green beans in their minds.  Hopefully there are seeds there taking root.  My real prayer is that they will grow up and see this little town, this farm, this simple as not so bad a way to live.

The business is a blessing.  Life is always pulling forward and there is no choice but to move with it.  Even though that hurts a little sometimes.  Sometimes it doesn't hurt at all and there's a joy in the movement.  It's funny that way.

Last Saturday was Kindergarten registration.  It hit harder than I expected.  Rie would be a kindergartner.  Had life been different, had she not gotten sick... Who would her best friend be?  Would she be getting her ears pierced now?  Would she be fighting me over everything?  No answers...  I keep close the words:
You're meant for so much more than all of this, You're beautiful...You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His"  Beautiful, MercyMe


There was a different plan for Rie.


So, I deal.  I move.  I help Josie heal.  She's needed a lot of help with healing these last few months. I am so grateful that we have been able to provide that help for her.  Her smiles coming easier.  It's working.


Last night we had Ground Beef Pie for dinner with fruit salad, we sat on the patio and watched the twilight come in.  Sarah tipped her chair over backwards and cracked her head on the cement.  Eva was too busy watching the neighbor kids to eat her dinner.  Today Luke is taking the drill home from the implement dealership to get it ready to plan millet the end of the month and Eva will get her first haircut.  Next week we'll be planting corn.  The wheat's green and tall and just barely starting to head out.  The cottonwoods are starting to seed.  I have floors to mop.  And in all of that is the beauty.  


If I squint my eyes looking hard enough that's the blessings.  Those little moments with a cool beer on the patio and a sunset and kids playing with the dog.  Blessed.  And because Josie always asks me, that's where Heaven is.  Just behind the sunset.  Because the sun never sets there.  We're that close to her, to Him.  Jesus is just behind that streak of red in the sky.

Busy...

We have been really busy at our house.  Because Luke farms mid-winter is our time to do house projects.  This year it is painting the kitchen cabinets.  I cannot believe it's been nearly three years since we moved to this house, and painting the kitchen is one of our last big projects to do.  We still need to finish the basement bath and at some point install larger windows in the basement bedrooms but those are a long way off yet.

Getting the cabinets painted is mostly Luke's job.  I've been busy with Eva and fighting a terrible cold so I haven't been much help to him.

Eva is going to be four months old in a week and going through that super clingy stage.  She doesn't want down for anything.  Her personality seems to be a lot like Josie.  Sort of sensitive, and easily overwhelmed.  Not the easiest baby in the world.  She hasn't given us a real giggle yet, but does chuckle a bit when you tickle her.  Getting better on her tummy.  The trick is getting her to go along with being out of my arms!

The kitchen project in the beginning stages....

You can see the beginnings of the finished product here.  We went with a charcoal gray.

Just busy and blessed with these girls!

Eight....

Eight years have flown by!  Josie had a wonderful birthday.  It is amazing watching her become... whatever it is that God wants her to be.

Valentines is coming...

I get really excited about Valentines Day.  I like the idea of doing something special just because you love someone.  It also gives me an excuse to spoil my girls.

This year I am planning to make them these:

Source: gltc.co.uk via Shannon on Pinterest

As far as I can tell it's just pillowcases sewn together.  There aren't any instructions.  All I have to go on is the photo.  Don't they look fun?  I am thinking for movie watching, for camping, for slumber parties.

And to make it even better this is what I found to make them with:

Source: amazon.com via Shannon on Pinterest

For Josie.

Source: amazon.com via Shannon on Pinteres

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For Sarah.

You need five and there's two cases to a set so I'm going to do two sets (4 animal print) and one hot pink one.  Total cost for this will be about $125.  About $74 for the pillowcases and then $50 for pillows (we don't have any extras).  It sounds a little pricey but I'm hoping that we will get our money back in use for these.  We don't have any loungy furniture or bean bags or anything.  I am hoping they last for years.  Also, because I should be able to slide the pillows out and wash the cases that should help to keep them nice.

I cannot believe in a few days I will have an eight year old.  Josie is turning 8 on the 27th.