Harvest...

This is us.  A farm family half way through wheat harvest.  A long harvest.  A hard harvest.  In September my husband drilled wheat into dry ground.  We planted in the dust with prayers for rain.  No other options because this is what we do.  100% of our income is from agriculture, from this farm.

And the snows never really came.

This is a drought year, and not the first. The US Department of Agriculture puts us in extreme to exceptional drought conditions.  That means there is no moisture in the soil, not even really down deep, to grow plants.  We are totally dependent on rainfall and folks, what we've had isn't cutting it.  Low wheat yields, the millet's not doing well, and unless timely rains come corn harvest will be poor.  Y'all if this was the 20's it would be a dust bowl.  It's a testament to how responsible farmers are and how far soil conservation has come that its not.

And how do you raise kids with this weight on your shoulders.  How do we hide that we're worried?  Or are we just honest?  I don't know.  There's no parenting books for it.  Luke and I just are honest, and we ask them to pray.  They know it's dry.  And we smile and we laugh and we celebrate because at least there is a harvest.  It could be so much worse, and for farms far south of here it is.  Also, let's be honest.  Our life is pretty good.  There's just that niggly little thought in the back of your head, "how many dry years can we take"?

Still, harvest rolls on.  8 more quarters, or about 1200 acres left to cut.  And then we'll be done with this dry year.  Just millet and corn left.  And hopefully some good rains. I always tell Luke, next year we'll have so much wheat the bins will bust.  It's my job, to keep being optimistic.  And to pour the whiskey. 

Tuesday snow...

It's melting.We went out to the farm after school to check out the hog pen.  Jo's first year in 4-H and the first show pig will arrive this weekend, maybe.  Getting excited.

Eva dislikes the dog, and the mud, and her snow boots, and the four wheeler.  I'm just hoping its the last time this year we break them boots out.

Her tiny self is so stinkin' cute though.  Bow-leggedness!

What I wore. I like to think of it as farm wife chic. Or I worked out and never changed after.  Whatever.

Tretorn wellies, old GapFit maternity leggings, Patagonia fuzzy fleece jacket, John Deere Owners Edition ballcap, Vera Wang sunglasses.

We also made banana bread muffins with pecans and chocolate chips.  It was a good day :)

A long time gone...

I've been gone. Life has been happening at such a fast pace. Just soaking that up I guess, and watching these children grow. I actually thought maybe I would be done with this blog, but I go back and read Josie's life and Marie's, and I want that for Sarah and Eva too. So the day to day, the recording that I've avoided... Maybe it's a good thing.

And they are getting big! Seventeen months now and naughty as all get out. But she's sweet and my baby and I adore her.

My big girl had a birthday. She's nine now.

And this girl, still the blessing that pulls me forward.

Dear Eva...

Dear Eva,

Someday I believe you'll read this.  You will wonder at the world and what it could have been before you.  And I will tell you, there was a missing piece in it that wasn't filled until we had you.  Our rainbow after the storm, our star.  Evangeline, we wanted you so.  We prayed for you every day while you were growing beneath my heart.  Before you were born we loved you.

And then you came and joy was multiplied.

Your sister's eyes shone when they met you at first.  Sarah was shy, Josie was excited.  A tiny one, a dark one, so like Marie and yet entirely your own self.

And Daddy... In his strong arms, in his kind hands, Daddy held you so tightly.  And I could see the love he has for you shining from him. 

Over the last year you have grown!  We see Marie in you, and I hope that as you age that is a comfort.  Even though you never walked together in this world I think your souls must know each other.  The nurse told me when you were born, while I cried with all the emotions of a mother holding her child for the first time in her arms that surely you left Heaven with a kiss from your sister on your cheek.  I don't know if that is true, but I know that the heart knows what the heart knows.  I hope that as you age you feel the blessing that your resembling Marie has been to us.  It helps us to feel she is not so far away. Some concrete proof that she was, because you look so like her.

 

 

You are always ready with a smile, always quick to snuggle into arms.  You laugh often, filled with joy daily.  You love your sisters and follow them from place to place.  You adore Daddy, chattering to him on the telephone.  Your first words, "Daddy", "Hi, Daddy".  You spend hours at the window watching the dog outside, you do not like it if he comes to close.

 

There are so many who love you, so many who have delighted in watching your first year in this world...  We are blessed to have you sweet Evangeline.  Happy Birthday Lulu, we love you!

 

First haircut...

Our crazy brown haired girl got her first haircut last week.  At not quite seven months old.  Eva has a ton of hair, and it's so much more grown up looking now!
 Before...

 After (she looks terrified here but it really was a good haircut.  She sat all by herself and smiled through it!)

 And just because there aren't many, me.  :)  And Eva.

My favorite things...

CARMELITAS...

This blog, Ain't No Mom Jeans.  Hilarious, educational, real.

Love, love, loves...

Years ago I used to do a post where I would write down what my girls loved at the time, to remember it when they're grown.  I would call it their "stats" or their "love, love, loves".  I decided that it would be a really good idea to start doing that again.

I don't know if it's Josie's being an older kid now, or we just have more girls so there's so much more going on, or I am *ahem* older...  Days are flying by so quickly.  I don't want to miss anything or forget anything.  My memories of Marie are my most prized treasure, and part of my having them is how well I documented them as they happened.  I want to store up these treasures...

Eva love, love, loves...
Sweet potatoes.
Her sock monkey.
Pacifiers.
Bath time.
Any time that her sisters will slow down and pay attention to her.
Graham crackers.
Her God-mother.  (after Daddy and I; there is something very special about their little bond)
On the flip side, Eva really hates tummy time still.  It's sort of awful but she makes this face and scrunches up her tiny nose and rolls over.  Luke and I call it her "F-U tummy time" face.

Sarah love, love, loves...
Her stuffed animals.  All 10 or so of them that all live on her tiny toddler bed.
Quesadillas.
Playing outside with her dog.
Going on bike rides.
Playing with bubbles.
Playing on my smart phone.
Going to the farm.
On the flip side... Sarah kind of is anti-nap right now.  It is hard for me as a Mama to let go of that afternoon nap.  

Josie love, love, loves...
Kelly Clarkson.
Tacos.
Hanging out with her Dad.
Her best friend.
Reading.  She goes through a book in a single day.  It is amazing.
Dance, she is still taking Jazz and is really good at it.
Piano.  She does piano lessons with her Aunt Gail once a week.  To see her begin to read music (something I cannot do) is really cool.
On the flip... Josie does not like chores and is a real stinker about doing anything "extra".  I am told it comes with her age.  I am dreading her becoming a teenager.

All in all, life is good but busy.  There is a huge hole in our days that is Marie shaped, but we have learned how to cope.  It has not come easily.  There have been a lot of hard times, and we have been blessed with a really wonderful social worker who has walked with us since before Marie was called home.  With out his guidance it would have been so much harder. 

It is amazing how big these little girls are getting...