Tuesday snow...

It's melting.We went out to the farm after school to check out the hog pen.  Jo's first year in 4-H and the first show pig will arrive this weekend, maybe.  Getting excited.

Eva dislikes the dog, and the mud, and her snow boots, and the four wheeler.  I'm just hoping its the last time this year we break them boots out.

Her tiny self is so stinkin' cute though.  Bow-leggedness!

What I wore. I like to think of it as farm wife chic. Or I worked out and never changed after.  Whatever.

Tretorn wellies, old GapFit maternity leggings, Patagonia fuzzy fleece jacket, John Deere Owners Edition ballcap, Vera Wang sunglasses.

We also made banana bread muffins with pecans and chocolate chips.  It was a good day :)

Back.

Well...  Summer happened.  We were busy.  I sort of just took off. 

Josie and I did a ten week session with Judi's House in Denver.  They do amazing group support/grief counseling and  we came away with some new coping skills and understanding.  Josie needed it.  It was nice to have that one on one time with her every week while we drove.  Six hours round trip, lots of car time.

It has been dry.  Not a great year to be a farmer.  Wheat actually yielded a bit better than expected, but we are now sowing wheat in dry ground and getting ready to pick drought stunted corn.  It happens, it's a season of dry.  It will change.

Sarah turned three.  It was beautiful and her party was perfect and she sparkled all day. 

We marked three years since Marie went to be with Jesus.  Luke and I gathered our girls and packed up the pickup and the dog and found ourselves at the lake again this year.  Soft sand, sunshine, wind... we had a good day just being with our three girls here and remembering the one who flew.

Eva is just growing like crazy.  It's amazing how she went from this tiny being we didn't know to being a little girl in a years time.  She is funny, naughty, cuddly.  She is Daddy's and it warms my heart because he would never admit it but he has been so lonely with Marie gone.  She is his too. 

Luke and I are good.  We will mark eight years of marriage on the 25th of this month.  It is hard to believe that's all the time that passed.  I feel that we've been together forever, that I've been with him longer.  Sometimes I think it's possible that my soul has.  We've been through more in these eight years.  I am blessed to have him walk beside me.

I am good.  I am finally feeling like we've gained ground.  Like it's okay to be happy.  We are a different family.  So much has happened in three years, life is different.  I am not the person I was before.  In many ways I am but some parts of me have aged or wizened so much that I don't feel like I did before Marie being gone.  I miss my innocence.  But, God has carried us full circle and we have come to a good place.  Things are marked by Marie's absence but also by the way that she is still here, still this family, still the second born.  It's okay to be here and be happy and feel these blessings.  It's a process.  In three years time I imagine it will be different still...

 Today Luke started picking corn.  Season's change.  Things move.  It is.  We are.  It's good. :)
 

Fingerprint Friday...

Yesterday I woke up with a heavy heart and missed Marie all day long.  What would she be doing now?  How long would her hair be?  Would I be starting to maybe help her more with her letters to teach her to read (she could have, her mind was sharp, it was only the body broken).  I missed feeding her breakfast and trying to keep her feet off the dining room table.  I cleaned the bathroom and missed looking out to see her sitting in her nap nanny in the doorway and talking to me.  I missed napping with her after lunch.  I wonder what sort of big sister she would be and if she'd be as excited about the new baby coming as Josie is.

So I cleaned, I had lunch with my a good friend.  I ran Josie to gymnastics and Sarah took a nap while I watered.  We went in the pool when Sarah got up and friends stopped by to visit and all day long I was busy and had company.  And it was good. 

Last night after dinner we were out in the backyard and I randomly snapped pictures of our night.  I was mentally cataloging the good things, the blessings, and it helped my heart not to hurt so much.

There is a song by Steven Curtis Chapman that says:
I can see the fingerprints of God
When I look at you
I can see the fingerprints of God
And I know its true
You're a masterpiece
That all creation quietly applauds
And you're covered with the fingerprints of God

 Sarah's picture face, waiting for the flash...

 My petunias.  They're so simple but they're so pretty.

 Luke.

 Blessed in that for the last eight years our house has been filled with tiny toe-nails for me to paint.

 Josie's imagination.  It is amazing.

 A flower in the ally, unexpected pretty.

 The sunset.  And Marie... she's just behind it.  Because there's no night in Zion.

 My tiger lily's with buds on, I can't wait to see them bloom.

To join Fingerprint Friday please go here.

Meet Cooper...

He is doing his best to support Luke in the guy department as they are outnumbered.  He is 8 months of not really a puppy not quite a dog.  He is wiggly, wet nosed, follow his girl around fun.  He is funny, he's a pain in the neck.  He loves milk bones, fetching tennis balls and his stuffed pheasant.

These two are rather fond of him...