Tuesday, March 31, 2009

20 weeks...

Are we already 20 weeks along? It seems hard to imagine that in a few more months we will have another baby in this house. I still have a baby in this house, and another on the way just amazes me sometimes... We are blessed aren't we?

Today Josie is over her funny bug she had over the weekend, Marie is feeling good and peacefully napping, it is cold outside but sunny anyway, I am 20 weeks pregnant, Luke is hauling wheat, and I am 29... Today I'm thankful my birthday is peaceful.

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Friday, March 27, 2009

What's really gone on at our house this week?

So, I've been emotional this week. I think that's okay... Luckily it's only part of my day, the time that I vent here. The rest of the time life is happening all around me. In no particular order, this is what's been happening here this week!

  • I decided that I *might* overuse commas, just, a, little, bit.
  • Josie hurt her toenail at church awhile ago. Her right be toenail to be specific. She caught it under a door and it nearly ripped completely off. A new one is starting to grow out, but the old nail was hanging by a thread and she was constantly snagging it, and it hurt, and it would bleed and there would be D.R.A.M.A. So, I decided it was time to clip it off. I tried, and she kicked my hand away, screamed, and cried. I tried again after getting her beloved Bunny for her to hold. No dice. Finally, after 15 plus minuets of negotiations just so I could help her by clipping this dead toenail off I gave in. I admitted that there were Peeps hidden in the basement and if she'd just be good and let me get that nail off she could have one. Feeding your children marshmallows at 9 in the evening right before bedtime= results.
  • I have got to do something about the back of Marie's hair. It's a mess. She's constantly getting these little dreadlocks. I need to get it cut, but it's so pretty I hate to. The plus side is that Marie thinks it's absolutely hilarious when you try to brush her hair and she giggles the whole time.
  • I considered banging my head into the wall this morning after Josie threw up and I discovered she has a fever. Again. I decided against the head banging because I would like to sell this house and a buyer might think the dents are unattractive.
  • I get heartburn every time I drink milk or eat chocolate. It is not fair, I want those things. I keep trying to eat them, keep getting heartburn, and then keep hoping maybe that will change. It is a vicious cycle. I thought about soy milk, but it's just not the same.
  • I am so sick and tired of snow, cold, wind, colds, bugs, and the fact that my buds on the crab apple probably froze off this morning. I'm finished with winter. God, I know you're listening. I would like a different season now.
  • I learned that I cannot go to the beauty shop without buying nail polish. I always have the best intentions, I don't need yet another color. Besides, by now I'm just buying another of a color that I already have it just has a different name on the bottle. I ran in to get my eyebrows done and came out with a hot pink that Josie and I can't wait to put on our nails. I think I have a problem. It's called "Feelin' hot, hot, hot". I was sold.
  • I caved and used the money I have been saving to buy a much-nicer-than-I-actually-need new digital camera to instead buy a glider for the baby's room, and rugs for my new entry and dining room. Luke and his boring practical-ness are getting to me. I have decided I will just start saving again because I want that camera. I am having my third baby and will finally have a chair to nurse in, now I'll have no excuses for sleeping all night in the recliner like I did when Marie was a newborn.
  • Marie ate a 1/2 a peanut butter cookie all by herself yesterday. I just crumbled it to bits and she loved it! Little monster :)
  • Josie wrote on her marker board all by herself "I am mad at Dad". The then changed it to "I am sad at Dad". Now it reads simply "I am happy". I don't really know what he did to tick her off, but apparently they resolved it.
  • As evidenced by my purchase of the glider and rugs, I have not succeeded at giving up online shopping. I think it's okay, this Lent God has tested me in other ways. Jesus keeps being what I come back to as the answer. I'm learning, I'll call that progress, and I think the Lord's okay with that.
  • That said, I've been spending way to much time on Etsy. Dont' look, you'll wind up spending money.

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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


Do you ever find yourself in a place where you are forced to think? Forced to accept reality, your circumstances, unable to avoid the difficult things that come to mind? Basically forced to your knees because there's really no answers and if nothing else, prayer brings you closer to peace?

I find myself there often, but it's always unexpected. My dear friend Alicia talked about being the voice for her child, because he cannot speak. I do the same thing, I speak for Marie and I share about our life, though it's not always something I would choose to do, or am completely comfortable doing. I am pushed to do this, because if God's will is that Marie's life is frighteningly brief at least there will be a record that it was, and her story might touch someone, and I'll have done what I feel God wants me to do. Share her story.

Some parts of her story have nothing to do with her. They have a lot to do with how her life has affected our family. We are touched by a humbling beauty. I cannot put into words what a blessing my daughter is, and just how amazed I am that I was trusted with her. She is a complete miracle, defying texpectations placed upon her by the medical community. She is proof that prayer works, that God IS, and all you have to do is be still and you'll see Him in the flash of a smile, a tiny giggle, and a hand that reaches out struggling to grasp and for a brief second connects.

That said, sometimes I just struggle with the reality of it all. I hold a baby that may grow wings and fly to a place I cannot go just yet. I have an older daughter and I worry all the time about how anxiety will affect her. Will she look back and see a happy childhood, or one consumed by a little sister who required more time, or just see a past filled with worry and tears. I hope she sees the happy one, Luke and I work really hard for that. The thing is, it's hard to know if you are succeeding.

Other times, I struggle with the requirements placed upon me. Marie is fragile; she is so strong, but so incredibly fragile at the same time. We have to be careful with her so that she's not exposed to sickness, especially now as we were reminded recently of how hard she must struggle when she is sick. That means that we stay home when it's cold and windy. We stay home when there are places to go that will have a lot of kids that may be sick. I have to accept help and that is not my strong point. I honestly believe that's one of the ways that God is pushing me. He is forcing me out of myself, to be humbled and to accept offers of assistance when I want to stand and shout "I can do it all by myself". The thing is, to be the caregiver I need to be I cannot do it all by myself.

I struggle with making the call to ask for someone to run Josie to gymnastics, to admit that I just can't get dinner made tonight, to look around and see so many unfinished chores and just let it all go. I am forced almost daily to admit that I am not in control. God is and He's kind about reminding me, but I struggle with that. I want to control the way things go in my own home. That's not to be.

To everyone who has helped us I'm grateful. For the meals, and those who help me keep life as normal as possible for Josie, for those friends I am so grateful. To be Marie's voice I am grateful. There are times though when it is so hard then she smiles and I forget all of that. Josie comes home from preschool and chatters about her day and I'm oblivious to all the things that upset me and I thought were such a big deal. Luke and I stop and look back at our lives and where we are now and are floored, this is not where I would have put myself, but we are grateful for how close we have become and how we have each other. For Marie I have no idea what her perception is. I know she is happy, she smiles all the time. I think she sees angels because you can watch her, watching them. I think that Josie has an understanding of this that surpasses mine. God knew she would be Marie's big sister. He knew what all of her days were, before even one of them came to be.

This may perhaps not even make sense but at least I put the pen to paper so to speak. I can't say I'm depressed, just dealing with reality. It is worth it, trust me on that. Just to have the time spent with Marie... Still, I want to watch Josie do gymnastics but I can't be in two places at once. Praying spring comes soon, that we can go out and about again. That Josie won't miss out on things and I can be part of them with her... Praying for the ability to accept how things are, and the ability to thrive despite our trials... Praying...

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scripture Pictures, Images and Photos

Eatin' Peeps!

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Wednesday, March 18, 2009

It's a...

Surprise! Number 3 was far too wiggly and quick to find out if it's a boy or a girl. Most importantly though it appears to be developing just fine for an 18 week gestation baby and was spotted with it's hand already in it's mouth. So, we'll be waiting until August to find out it we'll be blessed with a boy or a girl.

I'm not making any guesses, every time I have I've been wrong and I just knew Marie was going to be a boy. We're just praying for healthy!

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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Landon's Hope

Above you can see all the info about Landon's Hope, a walk my friend Tami has put together in memory of her son Landon who also suffered from Leigh's Disease as Marie does. Landon went to be with Jesus last July. Tami has become a wonderful friend and we consider her and her daughter Paige (Josie's twin) to be family. I am so excited about this walk, this opportunity, all of it, and I've put together a team to honor Marie.

The name of the team is Our Miracle Marie and I'm encouraging you to join the team and walk in honor of Marie and the miracle that she is. We have a goal of raising $500 for the UMDF and I hope that you'll consider helping us to reach it.

I am not sure if all team members will get shirts, or how that will work really, but I encourage you to wear purple for Marie if you join our team and make it to Windsor that day. Maybe we could get a group of us from eastern Colorado together to carpool to the walk and spend the day together? How much fun would that be?!

I'm praying that Marie's health will permit us to be there that day, and we get to remember Landon's life and share in such a special occasion. It's going to be a wonderful birthday party (Landon would have turned 2 on May 30) and I just can't wait.

Please consider joining our team, Our Miracle Marie, and walking in memory of Landon!

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(Blogger friends, please feel free to share this! Even if you're several miles away we can still work together and raise some money for UMDF and even if you don't make it to the walk that day we can all still wear purple in honor of Marie and in memory of Landon *I'm sure he would love that, you know how little boys love girly things like the color purple, wink, wink*!)

Happy St Patricks Day!

IRISH BLESSING Pictures, Images and Photos

We're doing pretty good:) Yesterday Marie had her re-check and the doctor was smiling. She's full of smiles, appetite is back, and she's even being naughty again! We'll go back for a chest x-ray in about a month, otherwise we're good to go!

That said, I'm keeping that baby to myself until cold and flu season is over! She's just way to precious and I hate that we have to miss things, but it's best to be careful. Luckily, this being March we're well on our way!

Josie is doing pretty good, she has gymnastics this afternoon and her friend E's mom is going to take her. The weather has been nice and warm and the weatherman says we might get some showers this afternoon. That would be nice for the wheat, this is one of my favorite times of year. The wheat begins to green up and there are emerald fields that go on forever. It's incredibly beautiful.

Tomorrow I have my ultrasound and we'll be finding out if we'll be girls only or co-ed in this household. Very exciting, more so just to see our little #3 and be sure it's developing as it should. What's everyone think, will we be seeing pink or blue?

Everyone have a happy St Patrick's Day! I love this holiday! My Dad is full blooded Irish while my Mother is Italian, but he always made a big deal out of St Patrick's Day. We'd have corned beef and cabbage and then in the evening take a plate out to our leprechaun Thomas O'Seanasy so that he'd be good and not make any mischief for us for the rest of the year. I think I might do that with Josie this evening...

So to all our friends, May God grant you always...
A sunbeam to warm you, A moonbeam to charm you, A sheltering Angel so nothing can harm you...
Laughter to cheer you, Faithful friends near you, And whenever you pray Heaven to hear you.

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Friday, March 13, 2009

Friday, home!

We came home about 11 am this morning. Marie's doing okay, very tired as are Mom, Dad and Jo. She's pretty agitated still from the steroid (we'll do that for 4 more days) and I think the nebulizer treatments make her jumpy so she's requiring a lot of care. The plan is to lay low, rest up, and go back to the doctor for a recheck on Monday.

I probably won't blog much until then, know we're well just resting and spending time together. Marie has some pretty extreme attachment issues (she clings in a crazy way) and our few days in the hospital has amplified them. She's going to need a lot of reassuring from Luke and I, and to learn that it will be okay if we put her down. So, we'll be snuggling our baby, not that we mind.

Thanks for the prayers!

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Thursday, March 12, 2009

Thursday afternoon rough patch

It looks like we'll stay one more night in the hosp. She's coughing which is part of getting better, but she's not strong enough to cough as much as she needs to. We think it's best to stay until things don't seem so scary. She needed oxygen during her last fit so we want to be sure that she'd be okay when we actually do come home.

Will update tomorrow. Please pray that this struggling to cough doesn't set her back any.


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Thursday morning update

Once again I've just run home to shower and then I'm headed back. Josie is going to spend the day with my wonderful friend Christy and her kids and then go to pre-k in the afternoon.

Right now Marie is doing pretty well, the steroid shots are working and if she stays the way she is now we should be able to go home after her IV antibiotics late this afternoon. She's pretty worn out and cranky, but that's to be expected. Her lungs are sounding better and the nebulizer treatments are helping a lot.

We'll keep you all posted, thanks for the continued prayers (they are being heard!!!)!

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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Wednesday morning update

I've just run home form the hospital with Josie to get a shower and change clothes while she catches up on cartoons. Last night they started Marie on steroid injections to clear up the inflammation in her lungs in addition to the IV antibiotics. So far, it seems to be working. She wanted dinner last night and was talking some after being pretty unresponsive all day. Last night she slept okay (as good as you can in a hospital) and this morning was sneaking sips from my coffee.

The doc is probably with Luke talking about her right now, so I'm going to hurry and shower and get back (so nice that we're only 5 min from the hosp!). Thank you for all the prayers and kinds words, and too all of you who have called and those of you who offered for help with Jo. We can't say enough how much we appreciate all of that.

Marie's improving and doing well right now, and we're just hoping this trend continues!

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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Please Pray

This morning we took Marie in to the doctor to have her looked at, because she has been having a little trouble breathing and has also been running a low fever that we can not seem to break. The Doctor listened to her lungs and determined that she sounded a little rattly and as a result he treated her with a nebulizer which did not help much. During his exam he also discovered that she has an ear infection in her left ear. He then ordered a chest X-ray and some blood work to determine whether or not she may have pneumonia. The X-ray came back slightly positive for pneumonia and as a result she is now admitted here at the hospital to receive an Ive and other treatments over night. Please pray for her. Thank you, Lucas

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Monday, March 09, 2009

Monday Update

Yet another Monday and I'm just not up for the "Not Me" thing. Josie is all better, the cold seems to have passed and she's well on the mend. Still a bit of a cough, but that's about it so I'll take it!

Poor Miss Marie has not been so lucky. She's been fighting the cough, which sounds much more horrible than it is (our nurse checked this morning and her lungs are clear). The real problem with this bug is the fever. Sunday morning Marie woke with a fever of 101, which doesn't sound bad. The problem is, her body has just enough to get by, she has no reserves to really fight to lower her temp. When she has a fever she just sort of looses control of other things. Her body becomes really stressed and the Dystonia (movement disorder) becomes much worse. Sunday morning we couldn't break the fever and she was stiff, with labored breathing, and sweating for nearly 2 hours. Finally a dose of her Diazepam broke the episodes but she was so worn out from it.

Today it's only a low grade fever around 99 but she's still really not feeling well. I sat with her about 1 for her to go to sleep and she had a handful of "episodes" in her sleep. At 2pm she was awake again and Luke's sitting with her now. She just can't fall into a deep sleep and then the episodes wake her up. Luckily Luke is home today, it's cold and nasty here so there's not much to do at the farm.

As I said, Marie's lungs are clear so this will just be a matter of managing her fever and the Dystonia until she can kick the bug. Poor kid. Still, when she's up she's smiling and was even giggling some this morning.

Thanks for all the well wishes and prayers. This is definitely the roughest cold we've had yet. Poor little Mama! Also, thanks again to Ilene who showed up at my door this morning and surprised me with meat loafs made up, homemade jelly and a cake! I can't tell you how sweet it was of you, and how nice it is not to worry about dinner tonight! The Lord has blessed us with wonderful support!

Much love-

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Friday, March 06, 2009

Hiss, boo, grrr. Bummer. Updated

Sadly, both girls are officially germ monsters. Josie ran a fever all yesterday and last night. She's still got one today and the cough with this bug is just miserable. I brought her in to the clinic this morning to make sure her ear infections had cleared up, and got a strep test just to be careful. Luckily the ear infections are gone and she does not have strep. Just a nasty, nasty cold. The most "deb-a-stating" part is that we had to cancel a play date with her "most special friend" C. (All words in quotations are from the mouth of Josie.) So, lots of laying low and taking it easy until this cold passes.

The bummer of it is that my Little Mama is sick too. As I said, the cough is miserable and she has fits of it that last 20 minuets at a stretch. She gets so worn out she just sort of chokes until it's over. Hospice is coming this afternoon to check her lungs and other stats. She's running a low grade fever and just feels puny. At lunch she didn't even fight eating strawberry yogurt, she just made a face and swallowed it down. Poor baby. I really don't like the cough, and there are times it sounds downright barky so I'm trying not to get nervous. Those of you that know me know that I tend to be a bit of a worrier.

So, hiss/boo Josie's sick. Grrr, Marie's got it again and it's a nasty cold. Bummer, no aquarium for Little Mama's birthday this weekend. We'll have to hold off until they're feeling better and it's a drag because I was so excited to show her the fish and all the other things she's never seen before.

Please pray this passes fast, Marie's lungs stay clear, and the coughing fits stop. It's so hard holding her when she's fighting to cough. Despite how awesome she is, and how well she's been doing it's a reminder that she's fragile and her body is just not strong. She tires so quickly. It's hard to rock her and watch her struggle to cough and work to breath between the chokes.

Ugh, I am so ready for cold and flu season to be over. I want some warm weather, flip flops and the sun on my legs. Soon enough I suppose. Until then, I have a couple girls that just want to snuggle. I'll try to update again after hospice comes for those of you who freak out about Marie's lungs as much as I do!


Marie's lungs sound pretty good, although the nurse was not thrilled with the barky nature of her cough. If it gets any worse I'll have to have the doc see her. Luckily one of my favorites is on call this weekend. Right now we're just trying Triaminic Cold & Cough, Motrin for the eye tooth coming in and chocolate for the cough:)

In other news, Jo feels a little better. Earlier I was telling her she should help me hook up our DVR (the other one had issues and they sent a new one). She looked at me straight faced and told me "Mommy you can't do that, you are a baker, not a fixer". That did wonders for my self esteem!

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Thursday, March 05, 2009

Dinner party, weekly cold, etc.

Tuesday night Marie's birthday party was wonderful! She loved her macaroni and cheese and the chocolate pudding cake was a big hit! I got some great pics (sharing a few below) and Rie loved opening up presents.

Unfortunately last night at Lenten service I noticed that both girls are a bit snotty. Today confirmed that they have the same cold, Josie's has a fever with it so she stayed home from preschool yet again today. This is getting old. I feel like I log on every week and tell everybody that we have a cold, again. Hopefully this one passes and they get patched up in time to go to the aquarium for Marie's birthday on Saturday. Luke started it this time, he was sick Monday and Tuesday and seems much better now so I'm praying that this is a fast cold!

In other news, Josie asked me last night "Why do man's undies look like shorts?". Already she's starting with the questions that are hard to answer. Just what is the thought behind boxer shorts? I was lost for an explanation and Luke just told her that's how they make them and quickly changed the subject. Obviously neither of us has a clue.

Marie is doing good aside from being all sicky. She talked to me the entire time I folded and put away laundry this morning, it was pretty cute. She had some very important things to say, you could see by the look on her face. I don't think she feels too bad.

Enjoy the pics below!

"Fancy Nancy! We love Fancy Nancy!"

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Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Happy Birthday Marie!!!

Happy Birthday to our amazing, sweet, naughty, full of life and joy girl! We are so blessed to have you in our lives and cherish every moment spent with you!
Daddy, Mommy, and big sister Josie

Shots of the birthday girl this morning all smiles and spunk!

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Monday, March 02, 2009

No "Not Me" Monday, just updates.

So, I was going to do "Not Me" Monday and then I couldn't think of a single thing from last week. It was a busy week, and there were lots of things I did, but I can't think of them right now. Happy news though, everyone in our house is bug-free:) It's amazing.

Josie's eyes cleared up, and her ears seem almost back to normal. She pranced off to preschool after lunch in pink converse tennis shoes and a butterfly covered sweatshirt just as happy as could be. So nice to see, I felt bad keeping her home last week but I think it was for the best.

Marie is also doing good, no cough, no cold, no congestion. Her lower right eye tooth is about to pop through so her cheeks have been rosy red, and she's been a little fussy but you can't really blame her. I've just been keeping up with the Motrin and crossing my fingers that it comes through soon. In the last week she has done a few new things. She drew her first picture with Mommy and Josie's help using the color wonder markers. She also ate pancakes off a fork! We got some really good belly laughs out of her the other night, and she's just busy all the time.

Today I was putting her down for her nap and doing some snuggling while she was on the pump. I looked down and she was trying to chew on her tubing. She almost had it in her mouth! Stinker!

In other news, big changes on the house front. We cancelled the contract we had put on House A. The construction work was piling up and when sewer issues came along we sort of had enough. It's a beautiful home, but not a good fit for us. We then looked at, fell in love with, and put an offer in on House B. It was so nice to walk in the door and feel like I was home. You know, when something just fits and you can feel it? This is a nice house with room to grow in a neighborhood filled with kids and families our age. Luke will have his own office, I get a big kitchen and we're all happy. I'll keep you posted on the progress. Also, we're listing our house this week so if you're in the market please consider a beautiful, well maintained two bedroom home across the street from the golf course.

Baby #3 is doing just fine, I felt the first little flutters and have a Dr appointment next week. We should get to find out if we're having a blue or a pink nursery sometime this week. Actually, I'm sort of thinking I'll paint the baby's room yellow. Josie and Marie have a yellow room now and I love it. It's always sunny, even when it's cloudy out.

So, that's all the news there is... Right now I'm just happy, happy, happy every body's feeling good.

By the way, tomorrow is a very special day:) I am so excited for Miss Marie's birthday I can't hardly stand it. Can you believe my baby is going to be 2? I feel so blessed, I honestly did not know if I'd ever see this day, and here she is. My belly laughing, drinking from a cup, pancake eating, sister kicking, trouble making, ice cream loving, yogurt hating, diaper wearing, toenail painting, belly kissing, co-sleeping, still breastfeeding, Daddy loving MIRACLE!

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