Monday, August 24, 2009

Isn't he something?

Still here, no baby. :) That said, life goes on. I have a dr appointment tomorrow and I'm still planning on being induced Thursday. At 41 and a half weeks. Whew.

Lots of other things go on too, Josie is loving kindergarten. Me? I'm just shaken every morning when I drop off my shining star and she doesn't need me to walk her in. She throws her backpack on her shoulders, head back, half a smile on her tiny mouth and marches into school like a woman with a purpose. She loves it. I'm glad she does, it makes it easier, but still it's very hard letting her go. She doesn't need me to walk her in to school. How did she get so big so fast?

Marie is doing alright... heavy thoughts there.

She's cutting her two year molars, teething is hell for Marie. Lots of movement issues the last few days, she can't sleep steadily but wakes and arches and grunts and hurts. Tylenol helps, but not with the Dystonia that seems to be worse with this additional stress on her body. She's drooly and so she chokes more, feeding her is more intense. More attention required, and she doesn't feel good and doesn't want to eat by mouth. She chokes and arches and hurts... it sucks.

After bathtime last night Luke mentioned how she's not really kicking anymore. She used to go nuts the moment we laid her on our bed for bath. She'd kick Josie with legs going a mile a minuet, both of them, just kicking for all she was worth. She doesn't do that anymore. When did she stop? How did we miss it? Is she just getting older and big two year old girls don't kick? Is she getting worse? Her legs are floppy most of the time now...

Still she smiles and giggles and is joy. So I'll concentrate on that.

Right. It's so, so, so hard to see changes in my baby. I don't know if I can put into words exactly how it hurts. Her life is formed with purpose, God lets me know that. I just. I just hate.

I just hate how she must suffer so.

So, before I cry I'm going to just focus on good things. Like this.

We went to the county fair one county over. They have the biggest county fair in the state they say. They have a great carnival. Lots of happy times, lots of wonderful pictures. I love this one most.

Isn't he something?

Because Marie is Marie, only God knows what her future holds. She's tiny and floppy and can't hold on. Because she can't hold her head up, or wrap her legs around the pony, Daddy does.

Isn't he something? In Daddy's arms that girl can do anything. How lucky am I to have him?



Nena said...

Dear Shan, I love to read your posts because you often say things that I am thinking. I am not narcisisstic (sp?), but we must be connected somehow ;-) Your words are haunting, beautiful, gracious, and remind us all to cherish our joy and smiles.

I am sorry that things are changing with your beautiful Marie. I'll be thinking of you all as you welcome a new little one into your world.

Sending you much peace and light, Nena

Kirstie said...


Well you did it to me again and brought me to tears, I'm crying cause I'm happy Josie loves school and I'm sure she has so many friends just like her mommy! Then you bring me tears of saddness about that sweet baby Marie and her legs and then I cry some more cause I'm happy you have found such a great guy in Luke! I pray you for at least once a day if not more and send huge hugs to everyone! Still can't wait for that new baby either

Nicole said...

ohhh.. I don't cry that often but reading this post made me... The good, the bad and the blessing... I'm sorry that you have to watch your baby go through this.. I work with a guy that hit age 11 and has been slowly going downhill from there. It's really hard to watch as an employee but as a parent I still can not grasp the pain.. I'm sorry... Though it is hard, I can't imagine how my life would be without working with this guy.. He has such faith in God that even though his body is failing him, his faith continues to shine though.. From what I've read of your blog, it seems to me that Marie is just like that too... Praying for you, your family and this baby to come soon! Blessings..

Maijken from Oregon said...

I'm sitting here in tears as I gaze upon that precious picture. It brings joy to my heart, and sadness too. She's such a beautiful child. I've been reading you since caringpages. Sometimes life is so busy with everything else going on, you don't notice when legs stop kicking excitedly. :(

The VW's said...

Prayers will continue for you, Marie and all of your family! May God give you peace and strength in whatever the days ahead bring to you. Love and Hugs!!!

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

I hope that this new baby decides to make an appearance soon, I am dying to see baby pictures! :)

I am sorry about the sadness. The fact that your love is so blinding and amazing overwhelms me.

That picture of Marie being held on the horse is awesome. It makes my heart smile!

Nat said...

That last line choked me up.
Lucky girls you are.

2awesomekidz said...

You are both amazing and inspiring! Brave and spirtual!
Praying for the best with #3 on Thursday!!