We are nine days in to this harvest. So far the weather has been good and we have been in the field every day. There are storms west of here today and I am watching the radar and praying they stay west and pass beside us. We still have four fields to cut over by Nebraska, where the hail was bad. One of them is good, the other's all are dinged up a bit.
The girls and I have been living in the car. Last night I drove out to a field we simply call "29". It's up north, a half hour one way. There was no wheat on that field last year. The last time I drove those roads Marie was in the back in her car seat, bringing dinner out to the guys. Marie was mad that Josie got to ride in Daddy's pickup and she pitched the biggest temper tantrum on the way home. Marie was mad at me when we got home, mad at me all through her bath, and when her Daddy got home I told him he'd better deal with her. All she wanted was that Daddy.
I cried most of the way out to the field last night. Just remembering. God, I am so grateful I have so many memories of that child. Thinking of her doing things that I haven't remembered in awhile, it feels good. Driving that familiar road, it feels good. We all miss her so much.
Time doesn't ease that. I've learned to smile easier, and I've gotten used to carrying this cross of grief now. But still she's always in my mind, always right on the edge of my tongue. The coming of this new baby doesn't change any of that. In fact, in many ways I think Luke and I are feeling the ache of Marie's absence more now.
Today they are finishing up the little field on the west side of the county and moving east.
Today I mowed the lawn, ran Josie to gymnastics, baked.
Today Sarah pitched a fit wanting to wear her green dress again. It's too big but she wears it every other day anyway.
Today I'm praying for Abigail, that it doesn't rain, that baby is healthy. And I'm praising Him for all this business, this craziness, and this harvest.
Today my girls are fighting and I've got to be honest. It's a blessing, I love it. I love that they have each other, that Sarah gives Josie a run for her money, and I've dealt with this sibling fighting before when Marie and Josie did it. But I've just about had it. It is obnoxious. I'm over it and my patience is frayed.
I need to start dinner in about 20 minuets.
These are what we're having for dessert and they are amazing, and easy!
One Hundred Thousand Calorie Bars