Monday, April 04, 2011


I haven't written much lately.  I've been quiet, and busy.  It's amazing how you get caught up in your day to day life and before you know it a week has flown by.  Honestly, time never moved that fast when Rie Rie was here and I see now that that was one of the gifts God gave us.  Life was quieter, time moved a little slower, we were able to soak her in.

And lately, it's been busy.

I've been transplanting day lilies, poppies, and mums. 

I've been watering sod and digging in soil.

I've been rocking blond headed little girls.

I've been missing Marie... but the ache is different now.

I've been going to Lenten services...  I love Lent.  It is a season of sorrow but I have learned that the best gifts are sometimes found wrapped in shrouds of pain and sadness.

I've been hanging out with Luke.

I've been praying for my niece.

I've had a million thoughts bounce around in my head and leave me wondering and questioning if I am liking who I am.  I can't shake the nagging feeling that I was a better person when Marie was here.

I have made breakfast, lunches and dinners.

I cried when the repairman came and fixed my dishwasher.  It was my birthday and it made me so happy it was fixed.  They were tears of joy.

I turned 31...

I took the girls to the doctor for well child checks and Sarah got a shot.  I also learned that Josie is short for her age.

I started sorting out summer clothes.

I wore flip flops.

I have been walking the dog.

I have been struggling with being consistent as Josie is punished.  She disobeyed and chose to ignore what she was asked to do and got in big trouble.  She is learning a lesson and I know that it is good, and best for her but it is hard to punish.

I have hugged her a lot to make up for it.

I decorated for Easter and hung a wreath with robin's eggs on the front door.  It makes me happy every time I see it.

I have been...  and time seems so fast and a little out of control.  And it's good, and it's bad.  There are things I don't want to miss but at the same time each day is one day closer to Jesus.


1 comment:

Clarissa said...

Beautiful thoughts Shan!
You are a better person today... and every day forward, BECAUSE of Marie... because you are her Mom... because she WAS. She is still a part of you and always will be...

Sometimes I get frustrated that I am so tied down because of Abigail's needs... but you are right, I am living life more slowly and more fully than I would be if Abigail didn't need me so much. I will do my best to be thankful for a reason to just live in the moment and not worry so much about what I'm NOT getting done!
Love and hugs!