Saturday, February 23, 2008


We're back again. It's going to take a lot to settle back into any sort of routine. Marie is still sore, still crying a lot, still wants Mommy all the time. And she should... Josie wants me to play with her constantly, I wish I had 4 arms. It's like starting over from scratch again with a newborn, it is hard, I feel like I don't know how to feed my baby anymore...

Marie's surgery went well, they tell us she's doing fantastic. I hate seeing her like this, she is sore, she is tired, she gags on her spit because she cannot swallow like she used to. I hope that we did the right thing, time will tell. Being a parent is really hard, so much harder than I would have ever guessed. I am hurting with Marie right now...

Luke and I are sort of rocked by this. Her surgery was harder on us than we thought it would be. This is only the first stop down the path with Marie, I wish that we could stop walking sometimes and just stay right here. I'm afraid of whats around the bend.

We are being as positive as we can, and so many people tell us to be, it's just hard. Reality is hard. I just want to be pissed off. I'm tired of my baby having it so rough... I hope that she heals soon, I hope that she starts smiling more, I just hate seeing her not feeling well... I hate that Josie has to go through so much with her sister... still we're lucky to be surrounded by some really amazing people. God sends me just who I need whenever I need it, God makes it hard to stay mad at him...

A Cradle Song by William Butler Yeats

The angels are stooping
Above your bed;
They weary of trooping
With the whimpering dead.

God's laughing in Heaven
To see you so good;
The Sailing Seven
Are gay with His mood.

I sigh that kiss you,
For I must own
That I shall miss you
When you have grown.

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