Last week took me by surprise. I was doing better, feeling a little stronger. Feeling a little braver, more sure of myself. Beginning to make plans for a garden this summer, running to bible study, planning to take Josie to soccer practice. My mind on what I could make for dinner quickly, more than a little annoyed by the wind flying across these plains. Taking delight in the wheat greening up. Spring here is beautiful. The wheat fields turn the green of the fields around the Emerald City, as far as you can see it is that kelly green, and then the blue sky... Missing my Marie. I am still shocked at how the seasons change without her, how life can possibly go on without her here bossing it all around. Then last week came and took me by surprise.
Luke's Grandpa went to Heaven last week.
He had not been well, but still it had not slowed him down. Monday he gardened... Tuesday Luke and I were there and praying as he took his last breath here and his first in Heaven. I did not plan to be there. God did.
I don't know why. I don't know why I was supposed to be there when Grandpa went home. I asked Pastor later after the service, "Do you know why?" He said maybe I was supposed to see how peacefully someone who knows and loves Jesus leaves the world. Grandpa left like Marie did, sleeping.
I won't lie, I'm struggling with this. Isn't there enough in our life that happened, why add one more thing to the list? I sit still, I know He is God... He's not giving up any answers. I was supposed to be there.
Right now Luke's Grandpa is in Heaven. I know he was greeted there by a little girl with blue eyes and brown hair. I can still hear his voice saying as it did so many times "Why, hello Marie". And I bet he picked her up, and she showed him everything there is to see and they're there together listening to old country songs and looking at flowers in the most unbelievable garden. And I miss them. Both of them.
I never knew either of my grandfathers. One left decades before I was born, the other right after I arrived. I am grateful that Luke's Grandpa allowed me to see a little bit of what it's like to have one. He really loved his Great-Granddaughters and there are so many things we think of when we think of him. Butter crackers, gate closed! Hello Josephine, how do you do? "There was a little girl walking down the road and there was a big black dog and her Grandpa came and said "hey dog, leave my little girl alone". Mouth harps, pop-goes-the-weasel, "It's nice to meet you, Sarah Kate". He always made me feel like my cooking was really good. Bringing Grandpa supper was one of the best things about taking food to the field during wheat harvest. He was always really excited to see what I brought him and he always told me how good it was, even when it wasn't. So I'm trying to concentrate just on that, the good things, and let the questions go for now...