Anxiety sucks. Worrying is a waste of time. So easy to say. Unless your worry is justified. We noticed Marie was not hitting milestones when she was about five months old. At six months our family doctor confirmed it and at eight months we were told to take her home and love her.
I try to pray but the truth is that when you are anxious you forget to pray. I cry, and I know that the Spirit hears my pleas. The Spirit intercedes on my behalf and I am blessed by a loving Father who gave me the strength I needed to care for Marie. Then He brought her back to Him when it was time. He is in control of all this life that feels like chaos and I need to trust Him. But I'm a control freak and I am a mama bear and they are my babies and once one of them got sick and I am terrified that it could happen all over.
I just don't think I can do it again. And the worry creeps in and my heart aches cold. I fight for light and sanity and pray, but the worry still lurks frightening in the shadows.
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27