Happy New Year...

So it begins.  2011.  We have been struggling with it some here.  The year still feels a little raw.  It feels a little emotional.  Josie had a hard day the day after New Years.  She pointed out that Marie would have been four in 2011...  instead we enter a new year without her.  Some days there is a great deal of try in our getting through.  You try to smile, try to act like it's okay, try to find peace, try to accept God's will whatever it may be. 

Other days it's much easier. 

I have thought a lot about making this year better.  Not so lost, not so confused.  I want to try to move forward with acceptance this year.  I want to be a better wife, better mother, better friend.  I want to be a good parent to Marie still, I want to be a good steward to her memory.  I want to maybe get rid of the wight I gained last year.  It's a combination of baby weight and grief weight and maybe I would feel better if I lost it.

I want to embrace this year.  I want to give myself permission to feel joy, pain, sorrow, peace.  I often am too hard on myself and how I cope.  I want to work on being nicer to me.

I wish all of you a blessed new year.  May 2011 be a beautiful year.