Thursday was a beautiful day. The only morning of the last week not plagued by fog, and Marie's service was just perfect. Now we're on our own again and trying to get things sorted out. Everything is the same, but without Rie it feels different. I have a lot more time on my hands.
I catch myself wanting to pick her up and kiss her face, longing for her but I wouldn't wish her back. I'll see her again, and for now I'm trying to just stay grateful for the two years, 5 months and 25 days I had of Marie. Each moment was a blessing. I'm just trying to stay grateful for holding her as long as I did, for those moments were a gift. To keep sadness at an arms length, though I'm not always successful.
I'm also grateful for our family, friends and community. I'm grateful for the meals, the hugs, the cards, the donations that will help Marie live on by good works. I'm grateful for the fields being worked by good guys. For the time they're spending to ready ground for sowing in the coming weeks. Because, though grief has come and muddled up life, the farm won't wait. She needs her fields tended, the wheat needs sown, and it cannot wait. It's odd not being sure how to move and being pulled forward anyway.
I'm grateful for Josie and Sarah, they keep me from turning inward and letting darkness swallow me. They are still here, they are joy and they need me.
Grateful to everyone who cared for us in the last little while, and a huge thank you to those who are working Saturday to help us out. We are blessed.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.