Monday, May 17, 2010

Monday...

It's her very first field day today...
It is really hard to get pictures of her smiling a real smile now.  She just poses the moment she sees my camera.

It's quiet with Sarah napping this morning.

I spent some time with Marie this morning, watching video of her last summer.  We were too busy loving on her to take many but I have a few good ones.  I can't watch them often because they make my heart hurt.

We got an inch of rain this weekend.

It's finally going to hit 70 here today.

I have some bachelor button seed to put in the ground and I need to mow the lawn but it's too wet out for that just yet.

Sarah and I will walk cross town after lunch and watch Josie doing the field day activities.  It's going to be a nice day for a walk I think.

I need to buy milk.

I'm having a harder time lately...  grief is cyclical.  I don't like Little Mama being gone this long.  I've started having this horrible feeling that I've forgotten something every time I leave the house again.  I haven't forgotten anything, it's just leaving without Marie that is getting to me.

Josie is all better, throat is good as new.  She can hear us whisper now, praise God!  It's so nice to have her back, it was sad when she couldn't hear very much because of the fluid in her ears.  The tubes are working!

I'm going to bake these this week.

Eight months.  Eight months of kisses and cuddles from Sarah, eight months of watching her grown and do new things.  Eight months of getting to know her. 

Eight months.  Without holding my Marie to sleep at night.  Eight months of not painting her finger and toenails.  Eight months without any smiles from her.  Eight months of an empty space.  Eight months of not feeling like myself.  Eight months without our Number Two bossing everybody around.  Eight months... since she's been healed and free from a body that she couldn't control.  Thank you God...  but I miss her.

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4 comments:

Valerie said...

Blessings to you Shannon. You are strong...so, so strong. I heard some great songs by "Charice". CD is just out...beautiful songs that explain and pray for so much. Charice was discovered by Oprah. Very sad, but true story on this young teen-age girl. It touched my heart in so many ways. Just like your family has. If you get a chance, listen to her songs if you find her CD. Trials and tribulations, but we must still go on. Your Josie is beautiful. Young and yet so grown-up. And Sarah...gorgeous and strong. Just like her mom. Take care and know we think of you all often. Let the cycle continue....you will never forget....ever.

Jenn said...

Shan, I am so very sorry every day for your loss. You are so very strong, though I'm sure there are times you wish you didn't have to be. You are an inspiration to me, through your grief and your faith. Also, you most definitely are Mother of the Year, that recipe looks fantastic!

clarissa said...

Praying for you!

Kirstie said...

those peanut bars are good! If you guys like cheesecake I have a amazing cheescake like bar recipe I'll send ya. Hope Josie had a great time at field day big hugs to you all