30 weeks.

That is kind of a milestone right? 30 weeks down, 10 to go and there will be a totally unexpected blessing in our lives.

Well, it's sort of already here. When Marie is in my arms (as she is most of the time) No. 3's favorite pastime is kicking her. Josie is obsessed with feeling the baby move, but isn't patient enough to sit still and wait so I think she rarely feels it's kicks and wiggles. The moment Luke puts his hand on my belly Baby stops and is quiet for Daddy. So, Baby is already much a part of our daily lives. Soon though, they will be here.

If I'm totally honest I'm a little scared about handling three. Jo is so independent that if I tried to do much for her I think she would just, like... totally loose it. Marie though, she is my shadow. If I'm not holding her she's close by. At night she falls asleep in my arms with a fistful of my hair or in her crib right beside me holding my hand. Marie and I are almost constantly touching in some way, and with a new baby coming in that's going to be an adjustment for her. An adjustment that my physical self will be compromised (I don't even want to think about what a night away from her when I deliver the baby will mean) but also that my time will be compromised.

Daily, I spend at least 4 hours totally devoted to Marie's care. Meds, feedings both oral and tube, massages, and add to that time spent playing because she cannot play independently, the time that goes into her is pretty much what I do. Housework, bookwork, all the other stuff is fit in when I can bear the time away. Then there's time spent a gymnastics or the swimming pool with Josie. How am I going to add the demands of a newborn baby to that? Lets face it, baby's are rather demanding. Still, I have a feeling it will fall into place and after a few initial bumps we'll probably be okay.

Still, we're excited. I know that we wouldn't be blessed with another if it was more than we could handle. I am looking forward to tiny baby feet. We're out of those in this house. I have five year old diva feet that are currently sporting day glow purple polish. I have tanned little toddler feet with hot pink toes... I don't have any baby feet. So those feet will be lovely.

I'm looking forward to the baby smell. There's a smell they have that other kids just don't. Marie does not even smell like a baby anymore. She smells like strawberries after a bath, syrup after breakfast, and sometimes she's so stinky... well, it's foul. Josie smells mostly like sunshine. Or strawberries, if it's right after bath time.

What if this baby is a boy? What do you do with little boys anyway? That really would be different, we know baby girls here. We deal with drama, Barbies, Sunday dresses, pedicures. A little boy would be all dirt, toads, and probably just as delicious in his own way. Still, that would be crazy different.

30 weeks. There's one more worry on my mind. Baby's health. Pregnancy without the safety net of ignorance is a totally different place. This time, I am so much more aware of miscarriage, late term loss, infant loss. Because, lets face it. Sometimes life does not follow the fairy tale and things go wrong. While genetic testing has been inconclusive they just don't know... I have one completely healthy child and one child who, while I cannot say she is unhealthy, has some serious burdens to bear. I try not to think of it, but in the back of my mind I worry about this baby. I know that God's plan is laid, I just hope that this child will thrive, and will not have to go through half of what sweet Marie has.

So, for my last ten weeks I ask that you join me in praying for Baby's health. Ask others to pray too. I cannot tell you how I covet prayers on this baby's behalf, as so many already pray for Rie. Pray Baby is healthy, that Baby thrives, that Luke and I are prepared (as big sister Josie already is, she is so ready for that baby to be here now!). Pray that Marie adjusts to a new sibling, and balance for me as I know I will try to hold both in my arms.

30 weeks. That went by fast! I leave you with my two beautiful girls:)