Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Pictures of me...

I spend my time behind the camera.  I am the picture taker, the saver of memories.  I see things in a way different from Luke and I'm better suited for the job.  There are not many pictures of me.  A few weeks ago I read a post by Beki and it really got me thinking.  There  should be more photos of me.  When my children are grown they will be a memory...  if God decides that I'm leaving early too, they will need them.  My pictures of Marie, Josie and Sarah are my most treasured earthly possession.  They would treasure photos of me in the same way I think.

Someday perhaps a forty year old Josie will look back and see a laugh line, a crooked smile, a look, and see a bit of herself in me.  One day I know Sarah will look back and see me with her big sister Marie.  In those photos she will see how I love her, how Marie mattered.  What our relationship was.  That Marie liked holding my hair too... and in those similarities she will feel a connection to the sister she didn't' get to know like Josie did.

I am going to try to be in more pictures now... because this is our story.  I need to be part of it, not just recording it. 

March 2009... how Marie and I snuggled before bed every. single. night.
The aquarium, and my girl in her beloved sling.  My smile amazes me...  I was so full of joy that day.
The day my heart broke.  August 28, 2009
March 2010
July 2010
When I see me, my smile is different now.  I wonder if when they look back one day my girls will notice too?



ANewKindOfPerfect said...

You make such a good point. These are the memories that our children will cherish one day. I will take your advice and be sure to be IN more pictures, not just taking them.

You are such a beautiful Mom. Your smile exudes love. :)

Jenn said...

I too loved that post from Beki. And she's right, and so are you! You're pictures are beautiful, and so is your smile. My first thought was "Marie took a little bit of her momma's smile with her." You can be so proud of the smile you have now, and where the rest of it is being held. When you are called home, you will have your whole smile back. Much love to you!

clarissa said...

you made me cry, Shan!

looks like Marie took part of Josie's smile with her too.

God will continue to hold you and see you through til the end. or, the beginning, I should say... the beginning of eternity!

since my mom died, I have often thought how I should be in more pictures, especially with my kids. it's hard, i'm always the one who thinks of taking pictures and capturing memories, so i'm the one behind the camera. I end up getting crooked pics of me and the kids that I take myself. :p

i try to get a pic of Abigail every single day, but do skip a day here and there. and i usually take a couple of the other kids while i'm at it. i know i will cherish them after Abi is gone!

sometimes i wonder how you make it through even one day without Marie... or how i will make it through one day without Abi... but i KNOW it is our Lord who gets us through the hard times! He will not leave you or forsake you, Shan!

Love to you!

Nena and Reese said...

What an amazingly beautiful mama.

Sending much love to you all, Nena

The VW's said...

What a beautiful Momma! Big Hugs!!!

Jon Kl said...

A was going through our digital pictures the other night, and deciding which ones to upload and have printed, so we could keep them in scrapbooks and the like - and she said the same thing. I'll do my part to help in the future, but I know I'll need to be reminded.

I think Luke and I might be alike in that - we're not cursed with being the storytellers. But what a blessing for the world that the storytellers exist.

Anonymous said...

aww....tears flow as I read and looked at the pictures. I also am the photo taker but like Clarissa said since my mom went Home I often think I should be in more pictures. Now I think I will for sure try be in more. I agree with looks like Marie took some of Josies smile are beautiful and your children are beautiful..God is with you and will continue to be your strength and joy!! Prayers are sent your way....Elisa

Holly said...

You make such a great point. I love pictures of the kids and it is true that we should come from behind the camera once and a while.
Oh Shan, your smile has changed, but it still beautiful. It is a connection to your world. Your world is changed, things are different, but still beautiful and like your life, seeing that beautiful smile is a gift to your children... looking forward to seeing more of you momma.