My favorite time of the church year.

Last night marked the beginning. It was Ash Wednesday and at the service last night we marked the beginning of Lent. Lent is emotional for me. I think its the time of the church year that I actually get the most out of. Without the stress of the holidays I can actually focus on repentance, sacrifice, the real meaning of Jesus' life, and ultimately the amazing gift that we receive. That and I'm pregnant so I'm just one hot emotional mess these days.

When we went up I nearly cried watching pastor mark the sign of the cross in ashes on Marie's tiny forehead. A sign of repentance, and the reminder that we are so fragile in this world. "You are dust, and to dust you shall return". It makes me feel incredibly grateful for the gift of my Savior's. Sometimes, not so much for myself but for the fact that He loves Josie and Marie so much He gave His life for them. Now if I do my part as a parent, and raise them to know and love Christ, they shall have eternal life. It makes you want to hit your knees doesn't it?

Lent is also about recognizing and appreciating Jesus sacrifice. It is traditional that you give something up, or do something for others during this time. This year, I am making a big sacrifice. It's something that I know I will see benefit from and though I don't' really want to, it's something I feel compelled to do. This year I am going to give. up. online. shopping.

Let me explain the significance of this. We live in Po-dunk No-where. This is a farming community. There is no place to buy size woman's size 11 shoes, or Easter dresses, or t-shirt sheets, or really fluffy bath towels. It's not that there are not stores in our town, it's just that they are there to provide work boots, Wall jackets, coveralls and things of that practical nature. I am at least 150 miles from the nearest Gap or Target. As a result, I buy almost everything online. Sometimes a little too much, because well, a bargain is a bargain and I hate to miss out on that. So, I'm quitting. I am giving it up. The money I'll save will go toward something good, though I haven't decided what yet.

This is going to be hard... but I know I'm not alone. Besides, look at Jesus. Compared to Him it sounds a little petty to whine about giving up my shopping habit.

Also, I look forward to this season. To the opportunity to know my Lord better, to know the story better, and the hope (oh the HOPE!) that this offers to us all.

I know that not all detonations celebrate Lent the same. As we are Lutheran the focus of Lent is a time to focus on the suffering of Christ, and also a time to reflect on our own Baptism and what it means to live your life as a child of God. What are you giving up for Lent? How do you observe this time of year?

Pictures, parties, ponies, and princesses.

I have so many photos to share! They go way back to January so bear with me. You might remember my new years resolution was to get photos organized, into those nifty photo books you can make on Snapfish and onto my coffee table. Well, that hasn't exactly happened. At all. I started but then I thought "If I'm gonna do this right I need to go back to Josie baby pics, start there and have everything in the photo books". That is overwhelming. I keep promising myself that I'll get that done.

Also, I started reading The Great House of God: A Home for your Heart by Max Lucado. I read this once, we were given the book as a wedding gift from the ladies of our church, but it's got a lot more meaning now. If you've never read, I recommend it. I stumbled on it the other day cleaning all the back issues of Luke's magazines out of a drawer and started thumbing through right then. Hello God, thank you .

Things are busy on the house front, there are some issues with the house we have under contract. If the seller doesn't resolve them it's looking like we may move on. We do have other options, so time will tell. This is a lesson for me, I want answers right away. I am being patient. I'm also letting Luke handle all of it, my two Mama's keep me on my toes, I don't need to have anything else be my priority at the moment.

Speaking of a little Mama, Jo's eyes are almost completely better (the eye drops they give you for pink eye are amazing!). Her ears are still very congested and she can't hear much. I've kept her home from school every day this week so far as she sort of just crashes and gets really cranky in the afternoon. Hopefully next week she'll be able to go. We have dentist appointments tomorrow and there isn't any pre-K on Fridays so maybe by Monday she'll be able to go again.

Enjoy the photos! Some are very cropped, I didn't want to share the face of the kids around them, but you get the idea:)

Ariel, at her party. So much fun!

Tinkerbell and her cousin Cinderella. They were beautiful, but other than attention from her cousin Marie wasn't too into the party. We have different plans for her birthday.

I caved and got Josie play makeup for her birthday. She got to open it up and "do" my face for me. I've never looked better.

Our wonderful friend Alicia (Gavin's Voice) sent Marie and Josie a goodies bag. Marie got the blanket she's laying on and that little pony tucked under her arm. Pony has now become our almost constant companion.

Josie did the cheer leading clinic the high school cheerleaders put on every year. To say that she loved it is an understatement. She was into it with every ounce of her being. They got to perform during halftime of the boy's varsity game and it was too cute. We're already planning on the next one.

How wonderful is he? Reading Fancy Nancy: Bonjour Butterfly with enthusiasm to two girls who are so excited they can't sit still.

Valentines Day. Josie and Marie got balloons. Josie danced about with her's while Marie waved hers around like crazy most of the morning. Every time she'd loose it she'd squeek and whine until you got it back into her hand for her.

Marie loves sitting up like a big girl. She was so funny sitting in the recliner with Luke the other night I had to get a picture. The best part about it? She's actually able to control her head a bit and catch it some when she starts to flop. It is amazing to see that.

Little Mama hanging out this morning getting her morning feed, watching cartoons and all smiles.

By the way, Winnie the Poo she's laying on came from the Avon catalog (I want to say it was about $20). It is amazing as far as a positioning tool. I think it works better than the boppy pillow and really supports her head. In addition, its fun to play with too. I have no idea if they're still selling them as we got this one at Christmas but I highly recommend it.

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I have a list...

• It was totally awesome to discover at the doctor this morning that Josie not only has pink eye in both eyes, but she also has a double ear infection.
• I was not totally thrilled that my unplanned visit to the doc will make it possible for me to go to the clinic three times this week. Between pink eye/ears and RSV shots and a 5 year well child check it's like I won some sort of crap lottery.
• I do not get nauseous simply by eating or drinking milk. I would never continue to make myself sick by checking weekly to see if I still get sick by eating a bowl of cereal. It is a bummer because cheese and yogurt is fine, milk itself makes me ill though. That and I kind of want cereal, a lot.
  
• I do not have laundry to fold and beds to make right now. I'm not procrastinating. I would never do that!
• I'm not using Luke's going to the Nuggets game as an excuse to get out of cooking dinner tonight. Josie and Marie love leftovers, that's all.
• I do not dislike maternity jeans with everything I've got. I'm not annoyed that manufacturers must believe everyone who gets pregnant is less that 5'9" tall. What on earth do models or farmers wives who happen to be 5' 11" wear when they get pregnant? (Actually I know, it's the Seven maternity jean, at least, models wear that. I cannot stomach paying that much for jeans I'll only wear a few months.) There is a great deal of injustice to this and the tall girls of the world should unite. Why, if Gap makes extra tall woman's jeans would they not also have that inseam as a maternity option? *stepping off my soapbox*

As I said, Luke is going to the Nuggets game and he totally deserves it. Inspections with the house have been stressful and he needs a night off. Their seats are really good so if you look closely you might see my handsome husband on TV. Seriously, that good. He is a very lucky guy.

Me and the girls will be having a girls only night and probably going to bed early as Jo feels crummy and I was up about every hour last night either because of someone needing tissues, having a nightmare, or kicking the heck out of me (Marie).

Happy Monday everyone:)

Quick update

Marie is doing a lot better today. She spent the morning hating blueberry yogurt, playing Barbies with Josie, talking a lot, scowling at me while I put away laundry and not playing with her, and kicking everyone that came close enough.

Our nurse was here at 11 and her lungs are clear (Thank you Lord!). She seems much better, still a bit warm and her cheeks are flushed but I discovered another evil eye tooth ready to pop through on the bottom left. It looks like a water blister and I've no doubt it hurts like crazy.

The plan is to just lay low with little Mama and hopefully this clears up. She is acting much more like herself and slept in until 6 this morning so I'll take it!

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and words of encouragement. It was eye opening yesterday after her being such a champ for so long to see her not feeling good and not herself.

Once again, thank you. I cannot say it enough! Much love~

One year ago today...

One year ago today Marie was inpatient at Children's Hospital having her g-tube placed. The hours that she was in sugery were the longest that I have lived through yet. We were terrified and she was so tiny. They told us she had failure to thrive and was starving to death. They told us her prognosis was poor. We were given every indication to believe that her life would be brief, painful, and much harder than it should have been. We didn't know what end was up and were simply clinging to God for a miracle.

I think He's answered a few prayers in the last year don't you?!

Whew...

So another week has flown by. We've been busy, but unfortunately it hasn't all been fun. Yesterday we got to go to the accountant! Yippee and hooray. How I live for that. Actually, I'd take the dentist over the accountant any day of the week.

This week Luke's been doing house stuff, estimate after estimate. We're getting organized and will be making some decisions soon. As for me, I've been taking care of Marie.

Saturday her cough came back, she had just finished a cold and was good about a week when it came back with a vengeance. No congestion just a cough and you can tell she doesn't feel good. Monday I took her to the doctor because our nurse heard congestion in her lungs during her morning checkup. The doctor wasn't too worried but did put her on an antibiotic because he's worried about a secondary infection with her being sick again after appearing to kick a cold. She's been okay until today, just keeping her inside and what-not (with the exception of a little trip to gymnastics on Tuesday that she really enjoyed).

This morning she was up at 4 with a fever. I'm rotating Tylenol and Motrin, it's only low grade but I can't get it to break. Her eyes are glassy and her cheeks are flushed and you just can tell she does not feel good. It's making me nervous, because she's really acting sick where before she's been pretty happy go lucky.

Please pray this clears up soon. Our hospice nurse will be back again tomorrow morning to check her before the weekend and I'm hoping it's all going okay. I'll keep this short and sweet because she's annoyed with me and I can't put her down. My poor little Mama.

Josie is just fantastic though, on a brighter note:)

Hoping I check back in with better news!

"There will be a day"

I have to thank my friend Tamara for adding this song to her blog play list. I had looked for it forever and could never manage to find it. Until today on her list. This song is amazing.

I first heard it last fall. I had taken Marie for her first RSV shot of the season. On the drive over to the hospital I was thinking of how it just is a bummer that we have to do this. Monthly shots to keep the nasties away, worried about a winter of germs, afraid of being housebound with a child who loves to go places. Worried about so many things, and this song came on the radio. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

The next time I heard it was after another RSV shot. I was bringing Marie back home. She had her shot, and didn't cry though her eyes filled with tears. She went into one of her episodes instead and her body got stiff, her breathing became heavy and fast and she gripped my finger as tightly as she could. Afterward, she nursed and dozed while we waited a half hour to make sure she didn't go into anaphalactic shock as a result of the shot. Driving home I was close to tears, sometimes I'd give anything if she could just scream and cry again rather than the suffering in silence. Then the song came on, and my tears totally flowed but for a different reason.

Since then, I get this song. Always at random times, always when it's what I need to hear. It's almost like I can hear Him saying all the things I need to hear to carry me through those moments. I also like to think that I can see Jesus sitting in the passenger seat, and I know I'm not alone in bearing these worries.

So today I wanted to share my song with all of you. Hopefully you find the peace and comfort in it that I have found.

On a different note, Happy Valentines Day! I have some pictures of my little Mama's this morning loving their balloons and goodies delivered by the flower shop, and I myself got a beautiful bunch of flowers and will be treated to a wonderful dinner tonight. We are going on a date if you can believe it! My wonderful Brittany is home from college for the weekend and she'll watch the girls, I am so excited about this:) Also, thank you Laura from the girls, and to Garbear and Bambi for their lovely little valentine that came in the mail. Marie played with it the entire time I cooked dinner last night, she was mesmerized by the sparkly hearts!

Much love-

Is it Friday?

Really? Where did the week go? We've been busy. We put an offer in on a house, it was accepted in a matter of hours and now it's under contract. If everything works out we'll close March 13. I'm happy about this, but nervous. So many things to think about and worry about. Hopefully I can cope with it all.

Part of it, I know, is that I have a bummer of a cold thing going on. Tuesday I went to the doctor and found I have an ear infection, its cleared up but I still cannot hardly hear out of my ear. Now I'm supposed to try drops that make take 2-3 weeks to work. Really?! Luckily, I don't really have a cold, just this terrible congestion in my ear that is driving me crazy.

I hate not feeling good. Not only am I pregnant and emotional but not feeling good just brings you down. I over think things, and worry about stupid stuff when I get like this. I am really worried about what a potential move could mean to Marie. Will it throw her off balance, will it somehow upset how well she's been doing. Can we afford to do something like remodel a house when they tell us our time is limited and every moment is so precious? Should I really concentrate on anything else right now?

That takes me back to the place I spent much of last winter. Terrified. I was so afraid of being away for a moment, I literally did not leave my kids for months. I was afraid that that one time I was gone, that's when something would happen. Now, now is different. She seems stronger, more stable. I know that I can leave and she'll still be here when I get back. Still, I'm somehow afraid of jinxing it.

I know we need to move, we need a bigger house. We need more room to breath, a yard with a fence and some privacy. Josie will benefit, as will Marie and I just need to let go and trust God in his plan for us. Sometimes that is very hard.

Funnily enough, as much as I worry about Marie I don't worry much about the new baby. Somehow I have a peace about that, or I'm just in denial. We finally heard it's hearbeat last week and I've been feeling less anxious since then. This baby will be carried by God, as will Marie and Josie. Why is it with them I cannot let go like that? Like I'm really in charge of any of them, or anything for that matter.

Ugh. I make myself tired.

Here's wishing everyone a peaceful weekend. Ours should be. The madness won't start until next week. Then will begin the estimates, meetings with so and so, and figuring it all out. I am excited, and yet so anxious about this change. Josie is excited, and I believe Marie is stronger than I even understand. We'll be fine. I just need to accept this new direction and stop being so worried about things beyond me. Luckily, I'm not alone in that. I think everyone must do this to some extent. Confessions anyone, so I don't feel like such a wacko?

Much love-

Changes...

Recently I haven't posted a lot about how we're doing. The honest truth is, we're doing pretty good. There is just a lot going on these days.

Last week Marie came down with a cold about Tuesday, and so we've been fighting that. She's doing pretty well, just stuffy with a bit of a cough and not sleeping the greatest. She's doing pretty well coughing, and her lungs were good at the last check so we're praying this one just passes quickly. In other much happier news, Marie's occupational therapist is just amazed by her progress. She's holding her head at mid line better (she cannot hold her head up, but she is better controlling where it goes). She is also vocalizing more, and more mobile overall. Is she a miracle or what? We feel so blessed that God has given us the gift of her stability, the time to enjoy everything that she is, and the answered prayers. She is just a different child than she was one year ago, and right now she's doing better than I could have ever hoped for. We feel so humbled by the Grace of an amazing God.

Josie is a fireball. Still doing gymnastics, loving preschool and really into writing little messages to her Dad and I. At the moment I think I have about 4 "Dear Mom/Dad, this is for you. Love, Josie" notes taped to the fridge. It's pretty funny. Her new thing is also to pretend she knows sign language and she's constantly teaching us new signs for things. The level of difficulty is upped on this because the sign for one thing is constantly changing based on her mood so I'm almost always confused.

We've been busy looking at making some big changes in our lives. The most noticeable change is that we're really looking at moving to a larger house. Our dream is to build in the country, on the farm, but at the moment it's looking like moving up to a larger house in town is more realistic. We've been looking at some, and are excited about at least one option so big changes could be taking place there! Of course, we'd also be putting our current home on the market and that's a little daunting. It will be our first time selling a house, but luckily we've got a good Realtor so the challenge is not overwhelming.

The second change is really the reason for the move. As it will soon be clearly evident we have had a surprise blessing and will be welcoming baby #3 around the 18 of August. This news was something that Luke and I were not really expecting, but we're feeling blessed and know that God is in control and all things happen for a reason. We are trying not to worry too much, and just enjoy this time and anticipating our coming addition. Trying to leave all the worry for God's hands, and focus on all the positive things. We ask that you join us in praying for the health of this little blessing.

So, that's our news in a nutshell. We've been busy, and it's looking like it will only get busier around here. We're happy though, for the most part healthy, and just taking it all in stride. I'm feeling good, just a little sleep deprived, and we're excited for the changes in our future. Its a little different thinking in terms of "future" as we've been so wrapped up in living only for the moment for a long time. I think that God must laugh at me all the time, and I look forward to someday going over the book of my life with Jesus and asking "Did you really mean to throw me a curve ball here?" Of course He will probably laugh and answer "yes".

In other news, Abigail got to go home over the weekend but isn't doing that well really. Her family is waiting for news of when her g-tube surgery will be scheduled. If you like, please head over to Abigail's website and leave her family some words of support. Let them know you're praying as they walk this difficult stretch of road.

Thank you all for your prayers and continuing to see what's going with our family. When I started this blog I had no idea what a source of support it would one day become. Thank you all for being wonderful friends.

Updates on Abigail!

There are some new updates on Abigail, rather than re-writing everything her mother wrote I'll just direct you to their site. Though it sounds like things are okay, it is frustrating with all the testing and hard for them to be away from their oldest child who is only 3.

Please join me in continuing to pray for all of them. Hopefully things settle down soon and Miss Abigail has no more respiratory troubles once they've removed the probe!

Abigail

No new updates on Abigail, I am guessing because her family is at Seattle Children's with her. Please continue to pray, hopefully everything is all right!

"Not Me!" Monday and prayer request

***The most important part of my post is at the very bottom, please read all the way down!***

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


I did not eat Josie's birthday chocolates. Well, not all of them. Only all the Three Musketeers and even those I shared with Marie.

I have not been bragging to anyone will listen that my Marie can drink from a cup. She can, she dribbles, but she swallows and does not choke. She rocks.

I'm not still a little emotional that my baby Jo is 5. Or that my miracle Marie is going to be TWO in less than a month. Nope, not even a little bit.

I am not *still* stroller shopping. I would not obsess about the perfect stroller for weeks at a time. I do not drool over features. I am not slowly becoming a stroller snob.


I'm not secretly excited about summer. I did not already look over summer clothes and try sundresses on Marie today. Besides, even if I did that I needed to know if they'd fit her or not didn't I.

I'm not overjoyed that we are finally going to do something about our back porch. We're re-doin' it ya'll. I'm so sick of looking at rotting particle board. I am so excited at the idea of something different. I've also blown our cover, it looks nice from outside, but inside it's all particle board. Circa 1970-something. Niiice.

__________________________________________________________________

Now, to a more serious topic. I am asking that everyone pray, pray, pray for our dear friend, Sweet Abigail. She is having a really hard time and is likely going to be admitted to Seattle Children's Hospital for evaluation of an emergency g-tube and nissan surgery. She is so similar to Marie, from how they are affected by Mitochondrial Disease to their angry face they are little twin souls. Her family is hurting, and her parents are frightened. She has been unable to keep anything down for days and her parents were told that she would not survive until her scheduled g-tube surgery in April if she keeps this up.

Lord please, bring peace to Abigail's family. Help them find comfort in Your grace, find peace with Your will, and find strength to care for their baby girl as she faces yet another hurdle. Please hold sweet Abigail in Your arms, please let them know of how much You love her. Please bring them all comfort and rest in this terrifying time. In Jesus name, Amen.

I'll keep you all updated about this sweet girl, I just cannot stop thinking about them. We've walked where they walk and I will be completely honest. The world seems dark, you are uncertain, you pray for wisdom and are pulled in so many directions it is hard to feel and see God at work a times. It is a frightening place that few can understand and it makes you feel alone and helpless as you watch your child suffer. Please join me in prayer, maybe they can feel it all the way over in Washington state!