Really? Where did the week go? We've been busy. We put an offer in on a house, it was accepted in a matter of hours and now it's under contract. If everything works out we'll close March 13. I'm happy about this, but nervous. So many things to think about and worry about. Hopefully I can cope with it all.
Part of it, I know, is that I have a bummer of a cold thing going on. Tuesday I went to the doctor and found I have an ear infection, its cleared up but I still cannot hardly hear out of my ear. Now I'm supposed to try drops that make take 2-3 weeks to work. Really?! Luckily, I don't really have a cold, just this terrible congestion in my ear that is driving me crazy.
I hate not feeling good. Not only am I pregnant and emotional but not feeling good just brings you down. I over think things, and worry about stupid stuff when I get like this. I am really worried about what a potential move could mean to Marie. Will it throw her off balance, will it somehow upset how well she's been doing. Can we afford to do something like remodel a house when they tell us our time is limited and every moment is so precious? Should I really concentrate on anything else right now?
That takes me back to the place I spent much of last winter. Terrified. I was so afraid of being away for a moment, I literally did not leave my kids for months. I was afraid that that one time I was gone, that's when something would happen. Now, now is different. She seems stronger, more stable. I know that I can leave and she'll still be here when I get back. Still, I'm somehow afraid of jinxing it.
I know we need to move, we need a bigger house. We need more room to breath, a yard with a fence and some privacy. Josie will benefit, as will Marie and I just need to let go and trust God in his plan for us. Sometimes that is very hard.
Funnily enough, as much as I worry about Marie I don't worry much about the new baby. Somehow I have a peace about that, or I'm just in denial. We finally heard it's hearbeat last week and I've been feeling less anxious since then. This baby will be carried by God, as will Marie and Josie. Why is it with them I cannot let go like that? Like I'm really in charge of any of them, or anything for that matter.
Ugh. I make myself tired.
Here's wishing everyone a peaceful weekend. Ours should be. The madness won't start until next week. Then will begin the estimates, meetings with so and so, and figuring it all out. I am excited, and yet so anxious about this change. Josie is excited, and I believe Marie is stronger than I even understand. We'll be fine. I just need to accept this new direction and stop being so worried about things beyond me. Luckily, I'm not alone in that. I think everyone must do this to some extent. Confessions anyone, so I don't feel like such a wacko?