Friday, February 13, 2009

Is it Friday?

Spinning Girl Pictures, Images and Photos

Really? Where did the week go? We've been busy. We put an offer in on a house, it was accepted in a matter of hours and now it's under contract. If everything works out we'll close March 13. I'm happy about this, but nervous. So many things to think about and worry about. Hopefully I can cope with it all.

Part of it, I know, is that I have a bummer of a cold thing going on. Tuesday I went to the doctor and found I have an ear infection, its cleared up but I still cannot hardly hear out of my ear. Now I'm supposed to try drops that make take 2-3 weeks to work. Really?! Luckily, I don't really have a cold, just this terrible congestion in my ear that is driving me crazy.

I hate not feeling good. Not only am I pregnant and emotional but not feeling good just brings you down. I over think things, and worry about stupid stuff when I get like this. I am really worried about what a potential move could mean to Marie. Will it throw her off balance, will it somehow upset how well she's been doing. Can we afford to do something like remodel a house when they tell us our time is limited and every moment is so precious? Should I really concentrate on anything else right now?

That takes me back to the place I spent much of last winter. Terrified. I was so afraid of being away for a moment, I literally did not leave my kids for months. I was afraid that that one time I was gone, that's when something would happen. Now, now is different. She seems stronger, more stable. I know that I can leave and she'll still be here when I get back. Still, I'm somehow afraid of jinxing it.

I know we need to move, we need a bigger house. We need more room to breath, a yard with a fence and some privacy. Josie will benefit, as will Marie and I just need to let go and trust God in his plan for us. Sometimes that is very hard.

Funnily enough, as much as I worry about Marie I don't worry much about the new baby. Somehow I have a peace about that, or I'm just in denial. We finally heard it's hearbeat last week and I've been feeling less anxious since then. This baby will be carried by God, as will Marie and Josie. Why is it with them I cannot let go like that? Like I'm really in charge of any of them, or anything for that matter.

Ugh. I make myself tired.

Here's wishing everyone a peaceful weekend. Ours should be. The madness won't start until next week. Then will begin the estimates, meetings with so and so, and figuring it all out. I am excited, and yet so anxious about this change. Josie is excited, and I believe Marie is stronger than I even understand. We'll be fine. I just need to accept this new direction and stop being so worried about things beyond me. Luckily, I'm not alone in that. I think everyone must do this to some extent. Confessions anyone, so I don't feel like such a wacko?

Much love- post signature


Susie said...

Congratulations on the house! And the heartbeat. Change is exciting and sometimes nerve-wracking at the same time.
So do you have pictures of the new house?

Kirstie said...

you are such a worry wart sweetie! God will watch over all you, this i promise. Congrats on the house, and the new baby yet again you are making me feel old! Bunch of hugs

Holly said...

You are totally not a wacko. Totally justified in your feelings. I wish I lived closer so I could help you.. not that you'd let me, you control freak ;) Totally kidding!! :) I think you are an excellent mommy and you are making a neccessary move for your family. Moving is never a fun thing, but it is at times a need. It will work out. God in in control, not Shan :) Love you girl.

Tiffany said...

I have been planning on moving for the last three years but something always happens and it doesnt get done!! I think it is because I cant get the courage to put my house on the market. And this housing market doesnt make me feel ANY better, so is this going to be the year. I WISH, but there is only one that knows that!!!

That was quick finding a house, hope everything else will go just as smooth!!
I admire you so much!! You have so much strength and faith. You will get thru this and anything else that comes your way. Josie, Marie, the new baby, and Luke are so lucky to have you!!

:) Hugs!

The VW's said...

Letting go and letting God is so difficult sometimes! I once said to a friend at church that I wished that I had more control over my life and she said, "Do you really mean that?!" She gave me some very good reasons why it wouldn't be so great if I were the one in control and that helped me to let go of 'my control' issues a little bit anyway!

Just remember that God has it all figured out for you already and that His way is perfect! I'll continue to pray for you and your wonderful family! Hope you feel better soon!

Michaelene Sargent said...

Ok, my friend. I'm sorry you've been under the weather - especially your ears! That kind of sicky just makes you feel yucky and dizzy and probably in pain. Congratulations on finding a new home so quickly!
Here's the deal - it's easy for all of us on the outside of your box to give you words of encouragement, that you're not wacko and it will all turn out ok. But, you're absolutely right that all of us tend to overanalyze and put crazy thoughts in our own heads when we are facing big changes. You are ABSOlutely not wacko - just human honey! Marie will be fine, as long as she has you and Josie and Luke in her space, she won't skip a beat. Any remodel projects you may face ... Marie will be right there with you, in a stroller, in your arms, wherever she is - I know you won't be far.
Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you guys have some extra chocolate today mixed in with some wonderful little smiles from those precious babies (even the littlest sweetpea!). I'm thinking about you sweetheart - and Praying for God's Guidance for you as you tackle these changes =)