Then I look around and one face is missing from my life. Oh, how I miss her face. Everyday there is some reminder of Marie's absence. Last summer I took her to Josie's swim lessons with me. I cuddled her as she perched atop my growing belly, I played with her as she sat in her stroller. We would swim, get in the car and Marie and I would go and play for an hour while Josie practiced gymnastics. We'd come home, eat lunch and I would lay down with Marie for her nap. Marie never, ever went to sleep on her own.
Now, I tote Sarah along. We run around, we play. My mind will not stop going to what it would be like if Marie was here. It was my plan that she would be, that I would have three little birds together on earth. God's plan was different. And every day I have to work on accepting it, praising Him for how I've been blessed, and figure out how to keep on moving.
I've been thinking a lot, and I'm thinking of doing something to remember Marie. Something special. I'm still figuring out how to pull it off...
Today I need to finish some book work, get a lunch packed and we're going to picnic at the park. Then we are going to visit Luke's grandma... It's a normal day, doing what we do... but we're just doing it without one princess.
Last night we went for a walk in the cool after the thunderstorm. A woman on the side of the street commented how nice it was to see us (we didn't know her personally). How nice it was that Mom, Dad, two little girls and a dog were out for a walk. The whole family. I wanted to scream at her. This isn't it, this isn't all of us. My toddler is in Heaven... But I didn't. I smiled, looked at my flip flops and kept walking. Because in real life, in person, I often don't know what to say...
There's a rumour that the storms are going to hit again tonight, they're saying hail. The "white combine" as Luke calls it because hail can ruin a crop. Please pray the Lord saves us from that storm, but if is will is that it hails here, please pray for the strength of the farmers here. They are so proud of what they do, feeding a nation. Please pray for them.
Happy Tuesday all...
2 comments:
I so would not blame you for yelling at that woman...I wanted to do it for you as I was reading. Of course she had no idea, but how often do we say those very things to people when we have no idea? Much love to you all! And, I hope the storm spared you.
Saying a prayer for you and your family that are missing the sweetest little blessing ever...
And for you all as farmers... my parents were farmers for many years. It's a hard life, but a good one I think. And thank you for feeding America! For real.
Do that something special for Marie, I will say a special prayer that you are able to pull it off!
Keep on sharing your heart with us Shan. It will do you, and us, a lot of good. Never forget how precious you are to Jesus. He will never leave you. Because of HIM we will all be Home someday... until then, keep the faith!
Hugs to you. Love the picture of Marie on the last post. Beautiful.
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