Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Last week- Written 5/28/2010

This week was a week of milestones...  It left me hurting.  I felt like I hurt, like I needed to be careful of myself.  Like when you've walked too long in uncomfortable shoes and have a blister and you need to be really careful with how you step or you'll rip that blister open and it will hurt so much worse.
And I wonder sometimes if people are tired of hearing me feel sorry for myself.  It seems all I write about is how hard this is, how I don't like it.  I feel crabby, frayed, fragile, lost... still so lost.  I still feel out of place in this life.  I remember how it was last summer, it feels like life still should be that way.  I have a little girl, and she's not here...  and some days that's almost to much to cope with...

I found this on another blog, it's so beautifully written... It explains why it hurts, why I hate these shoes...

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes, uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes, they are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Author unknown


1 comment:

DESJ and Company said...

My heart just aches for you.