Thursday, June 24, 2010

She would have jumped...

I try very hard to keep my head up.  I try to constantly be in praise.  To thank God for how long we had Marie.  I make a choice every day to be thankful for what a blessing her life was, how much I learned from her, how wonderful He made her, for where she is now... on and on.  I want to hold on to the positive, stay  rooted in hope and have a firm grip on my Jesus' robe.  I will be in Heaven with her someday and I will see my girl again.

Still, it is so hard to be on earth without her. 

When I think of Marie now I almost always see her running, laughing, singing, jumping.  In my minds eye she is perfect and healthy and full of life.  I think this is God's gift to me, that He would have me see my child as she is now in Heaven. There is no sickness, no Leigh's Disease, no broken body.  There is only the perfect, perfect form that He intended.

This morning at swim lessons I sat and waited for Josie.  While I was waiting they marched the platform class (three and up) to the diving board.  Tiny little people, tiny little bathing suits.  Terrified of the board.  One by one they marched up the ladder.  Some tiptoed out to the edge of the board and turned around, other's were lowered oh so slowly to the waiting arms of the lifegaurd below. 

Watching them it hurt.

If life had gone according to my plan my three year old would have been in that class.  It would have been her first year taking swim lessons and today would have been her first time off the diving board.  I know my girl's spirit.  Full of life, naughty, filled with the joy of being a child of God, a little bit of a daredevil, a fighter, a fierce little spirit.

I wasn't able to watch her swim this morning.  God's plan was different.  Because of a sin filled world Marie was born with a disease and she suffered.  My Father, her Father stepped in and healed her, brought her home to Him and she's there now... and my arms ache for her.

She swims in the waters of Heaven safe and secure. 

I know my girl though.  I know that this morning, she would have jumped.


Jenn said...

I think she would have jumped too. That little smile of hers, it seemed to say "I know something you don't know." Maybe we need to jump too!

The VW's said...

The pain you feel must be so intense! But, what a blessing to know that she is able to run, jump and laugh now! Love, Hugs and Prayers!!!

Susie said...

As I read your post today, about how Marie is perfect now, I was reminded that she was always perfect, and that's why she got to go back Home early. Her body was not her. It's hard to be the ones left behind, but your little angel just graduated early because she was so amazing. I obviously don't know how it feels from personal experience, but my friend has told me that she feels priveleged to have such a perfect spirit as part of her family, even though it brings such trials in this imperfect world.

Anonymous said...

oh, I love this one! She would have. I often think of where Quinlan would be right now. I see little boys his age, and ache for what could have been. I imagine his beautiful eyes staring back at me, and I can't breathe. Eventually there will be more peace Shan, but the road is just really, really long. I don't think I would trade it now. I can't believe I am saying that, but, I wouldn't trade any of it, because maybe my words, and my experience, is helping someone else.