Happy birthday Sarah Kate...

Dear Sarah, today is your very first birthday.  It is hard to believe it has been a year since you were born.  Our lives have changed so much.  Daddy and I have changed so much.  Through it all dear Sarah you have been a source of joy. 

We celebrated the day you were born, but it was clouded with worry.  I am so sorry Sarah that the celebration was short lived.  I do not understand God's timing but I know exactly what He was thinking when He sent us you.  He knew how much we would need you.

Your story and Marie's are wound together so tight.  You were with her for twenty sweet minuets, she was amazed by you.  Her eyes were so wide and she touched your face...  She knew just who you were.  The little sister, the one who had kicked her for the last five months.  She just could not stop looking at you.

Josie was so proud of you.  The baby, a sister!  She held you and her face light up.  For the weeks and months after that she terrified me in her insisting on carrying you around.  She decided that she would take care of you and the little mother in her that I never knew existed appeared.  Josie worries about you so, protects you, comforts you.  She appreciates you in a way most big sisters do not.  Even when she is mad at you there is something there, this affection for you that is so deep.

It is one year later and we have so much to be joyful for.  You are healthy, your life is an answered prayer.  You thrive, you grow.  You have seized the world with two strong hands and are exploring all that you can.  You scream, walk, laugh, fight.  You are a snuggle in the mornings and a sleepy sigh at nighttime and your every accomplishment a celebration.

Last night I was praying, asking God to help me make it through this day and the day after.  Something amazing happened.  As  I prayed my sorrow, my worry, and my fear were all transformed into joy, peace, and a feeling of being so blessed.  After your Daddy, you and your sisters have been my greatest gift and I am the most blessed mother to have you.  God placed that feeling upon my heart in such a strong way last night Sarah.  Even in the darkest hours you have been a glow of light.  Your need for me has kept me moving forward when I wanted to stop and cry.  God showed me last night how there is so much to rejoice in, how much there is to be happy for.  This world is not our Home, and I want you to always remember that.  The things of this world are going to fall away and we will all be together in eternity.  Until then we are to love and take care of one another.  Hold tight to Jesus sweet girl.  With Him there is hope, and life, and He will carry you. 

It is amazing to me the little girl you are becoming.  From the blue of your eyes to the shocking blond of your hair you are amazing.  You are gentle and defiant all at the same time.  Aggressive but caring, the only one to love baby dolls.  You are cautious but once you are certain its safe you rush ahead at top speed.  You still refuse to eat vegetables.  I cannot believe you are walking already.  You are a  whirlwind and a source of calm all at the same time and you make my days happy.

Sarah Kate, you truly are my sunshine.  Daddy and I love you so very much!  Happy first birthday little girl, God is so good!