Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Today I was checking my email and I had a notice from a family that I had been following. Their little boy named Jasper was diagnosed with Leigh's at 4 months, and he was about to turn one. He went to heaven overnight, and it was so sudden. He just began to struggle to breath, and then he flew away.
He had been doing well, gaining weight and then in just days it all changed. It's so hard to see that family hurting, and to recognize that that is a place we are going to go.
Right now Marie is sleeping on my lap, and the knowledge that she is so fragile feels like a wall of water that is crashing over me. This hurts.... I hurt for Jasper's family, but I hurt too because this is a reminder that we are going to loose her. It's something I really try not to think about too much because, over the last months I've come to a place where I believe nothing I can do will prepare me for that day so why waste the worry, and also, I just want to enjoy her and not be sad. I want her life to be filled with love, laughter, chocolate, sunshine, swimming pools, toys, all the things that children should have. The knowlege that we will loose her is hard, but it is hard to not know what will happen. How much time, the struggle she may go through, and yet I wouldn't choose to know the date either. It's a day I dread.
It's just so hard to swallow, that a child could be there and in the next moment, they're gone. I can't imagine how the family must feel, and honestly, when I think of that time my worry is not for Marie but for Luke, Josie and I. When Marie goes to heaven I know she will run, she will dance, and it will be wonderful. I just worry about what we will do to fill the time, what will we do with all those empty hours until we see her again?
At any rate, this has hit me hard. I have asked God to allow me to carry a bit of Jasper's families grief, to help them bear the weight of that load. I ask all of you to make the same prayer yourself.
"Dear God, please let me carry a bit of Jasper's families grief on my shoulders. Please watch over them, let them feel you near them at this time. Please help them to know that during Jasper's brief life he was so loved, and that they did all that they could to make Jasper's as life wonderful and beautiful as it was. Please bring them peace. Amen."