So, this week I have repeatedly been smacked upside the head with the story of the woman who bled for 12 years. The woman who's faith was so great that in the act of simply clutching at her Savior's robe she was healed.
What an amazing thing. I didn't pay attention to the story the first few times, I'd skim through, note the reference, and move on with my day. Then tonight, I'm sitting here nursing Marie to sleep (she's up late, still trying to cut that tooth) and I glanced at my "verse of the day".
Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, "If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed." Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment. - Matthew 9:20-22 NIV
Praise God. I'm listening. I read the story. This woman, her faith is enviable. She bled for 12 years, she was penniless having spent all her money in search of a cure, she was shunned by everyone who knew her. Alone, lost, poor, and still, STILL she didn't loose her faith. She BELIEVED, she loved her Lord and her Savior so that all she had to do was brush her fingers against His robe and her faith healed her.
I'll be honest. I am a little jealous of that woman. I want a faith like that, I want to believe so fiercely that there is no room for doubt, that all my suffering, all the worry can just be lifted. Sometimes, I'm sort of jealous of all those people in the New Testament. I would have so loved to be alive when Jesus was. Can you imagine, just to hear Him speak. Just to be near Him, to see Him. I don't believe He looked anything like the pictures, I cannot wait to see His face...
Back to the woman, she went through all of this trial and tribulation, for 12 years! She must have hurt so badly, I'm sure she felt like she had been abandoned. And still, she believed, and her faith healed her. I wish that I could reach out and I could somehow rub Jesus' robe across Marie's face. I've no doubt that my sweet baby girl has that kind of faith, the faith I envy and ache for. I know, I know that He can heal her. I've been asked before if we pray for miracles. We do, but yet, the hope for a miracle is sometimes too much to bear.
So, Lord I've listened. I read the story. I feel for that woman, how elated she must have been. The peace that washed over her in the moment that Jesus said, "Daughter, you faith has made you well. Go in peace. Your suffering is over." Mark 5:34. It must have been a rush of calm, it must have felt so good. The way that you feel when you sink into bed after a long day, the way it feels when someone you love hugs you, can you imagine?
I want that. I want that so badly. Not for me, but for Marie. I know it will happen someday, just not in the way that I would like. Still, this story was what I needed. This week, I've been feeling adrift. I know that God is near, but I have not actually felt Him. Then tonight, when I'm grumping it up, tired and nursing, cranky about this and that, feeling sorry for myself and all of it petty, there He is. I love it when He lines things up like this, when I cannot ignore any longer that He is here. The story of the woman lets me know that I'm not alone, He is here, my Savior lives, my God is everything, and He loves us all more than I can even understand.
Finally my baby is sleeping, I'm off to bed with her. **I read through this again this morning, and it makes it sound like I have it far more together than I actually do (that is not an accurate representation of me. I'm sort of a wreck on any given day). Last night was a good reminder, and I needed it again this morning because I woke up fed-up and grumpy. I need to be reminded often, it is so easy for me to bog down and go astray.**
5 comments:
I have always, always appreciated that story. Thank you for reminding me, today, of where my trust needs to live...in Him.
Marie is already a perfect little miracle, you just bask in the joy of nursing and teething today (must be her eye teeth? those are horrendously painful for little critters. Not looking forward to that at all...). Know that there are so many prayers being said for divine healing and miracles...on your behalf. He will NEVER fail you, Shan.
Oh Shan- you are such an insipration. I know it probably doesn't feel that way. No doubt in my mind that God was at work when I stumbled across your blog page. He is at work everyday with all of us. He is all powerful, all mighty, all healing. While we don't understand find comfort that this is all God's plan and while we don't know what tomorrow may hold He does and all is well because if we let Him, He will carry us into tomorrow. I pray that you feel His angels wrapping their wings around you through this time in your life.
Again, thank you.
There is a reason for every person and every event on earth. I think that Marie is showing how miraculous she is every day she opens her eyes. Everyone who meets her knows how special she is. =)
I tagged you for a game of tag on my blog! Hope you play.
I love the background music on your blog. And the background itself. It's great!
Thank you for the comment! My friends call me "Shan" too! I think you explained it to a "T" when you said you felt as if you were left at the train station.... I feel the exact same way. Although I have the perfect relationship with my father, I still know that something is missing..the relationship with my mother. Thank you for the prayers, I'm still waiting on that reply and I'm to the point where I'm hesitant to even check my email because I know there wont be a reply there. But I know it will all work out in the end.
o.k. this is just too funny! All this week I TOO have been smacked over the head more like confronted with her story! Then I come to your site and her she is again! I actually wrote a post about her back on July 8th and was re-reading the comments and saw a new one from a gal named Stacy. I went to check out her blog right then and her current posting was on this woman... that same day I was recording the movie The Greatest Story Ever Told, it was on but I was not watching, but blogging and a few hours into it I got up to do something, passed by the TV and there she was AGAIN at Jesus' feet! then today, you have posted on her! WOW that is just crazy! FAITH, I thought I had it, but maybe the Lord is showing me that to say you do, talk like you do, but to breath it DAILY is the test. Her trial that forced her to have the faith that she did, God allowed for 12 years straight and all the yucky stuff that came along with it! Our trial, our angles... for however long... I need to be reminded it is daily Tam... So So So good! How you doing? Shoot me an e-mail!
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