Thursday, September 04, 2008


They will start swathing millet today. It's going to be a busy couple days for us, and as always there's lots going on just when we're busy with the farm. It should only take the guys about three days to swath, then a few to dry, then they'll start picking it up. Hopefully by the end of next week it will all be done.

This is the time last year that we really noticed things were going on with Marie. I remember millet harvest, it was a little earlier by a few weeks last year, and it was hot. I was walking down a field road after bringing dinner out to the field. Josie was in the tractor with Daddy, Marie was in the sling with me and the flies were biting my ankles. I was walking down the road, watching the sky, the wind, the rocks on the gravel, the weeds in the ditch, in my dirty tennis shoes. I was worried about my baby. Something was going on, and while I had no idea what I knew it wasn't good.

Here we are one year later, what a place we find ourselves in now. I look back at myself and I think you silly, naive girl. I had no idea. Still, I can't complain. Marie's here, and despite how she is (I can't even say what she's lost), I'll say how she's changed; I still feel blessed. I look at her and I'm so grateful that God let me have her, even if it's only for just a little while.

So, one year later. I wonder if millet harvest will always make me think of this?

At any rate, I'm grateful for now. Rierie is doing as well as she can be, Josie started pre-K yesterday and loved it! Soccer is going and she's excited to be playing, and you can feel fall in the air. I am looking forward to, and dreading this change of the season.

Marie cut two teeth this week, and I hope we get a break for awhile. She's choking more lately, I hope that's just something minor, not a progression. It's so hard to tell. There's her disease, but then there's all the little things babies do. It's hard to seperate them sometimes.


Michaelene said...

How many teeth does that cute little girl have, now? Sophia's next teeth will be her eye teeth =(

One of the qualities that my darling husband says our Sophia got from me is choking on her own saliva...I do it ALL the time, how embarassing, right? I've noticed that she does it a LOT more now, than she did when she was younger. Maybe Marie is developing the same charming quality =) especially if her lungs are clear.
Glad to hear that Josie is enjoying playing soccer and that she loved preschool...Yaaay, Josie!!
As far as the millet harvest, I would make new memories this year. Wonderful, happy photos of how far you all have actually come. For Marie to be smiling again, cooing, making faces, pulling Josie's hair that all deserves a celebration, as it does in every child's life ... but especially when, for so long, the silence was deafening for you.
My love and Prayers are with you all, always.

RC said...

Hey Shan, I know what you mean about reminders. There are so many associated with trying times in our lives. It is almost like we are forced to pause and look around, and notice the smallest details (like how dirty our shoes are). I am feeling it, with October around the corner. I'm with you Shan.

Love u!

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

Hi Shan, I came across your blog though Tamara/Abby's blog. Your daughters are so pretty! My daughter has the same "Patience Tester" shirt. :)

Mindy Pfohl said...

Hey you! Cutting teeth! Ug! You know, just a thought... I'm no doc, but cutting teeth takes a lot of work, creates more saliva, envolves mucle groups... could this be some of the choking? If so, maybe it is temporary! Just a thought! Hugs! -Mindy

Holly said...

Oh Shan- I love you blogs.
You are such an amazing author.
I know it is so different but Sophia's birthday this year reminds me so much of last year, she had a group of cluster seizures the night she turned two, it was such a tough time. You hate to put a damper on a time or an event but you can't help but remember things based on events at that time. My prayers are with you and I hope Marie stops that choking stuff. I hope Josie enjoys soccer, I am taking Sophia to meet her coach tonight, we start next week. :)
Love you momma!

Tamara said...

Remembering... God calls us to look back to see where He has brought us. What a blessing her little life is. Thinking of ya

Violet said...

I heard this song and thought of you and Marie. It's sad but beautiful. I'm sure this is also your prayer and heartcry. I don't know how to post it anywhere so the title/author is at the bottom.

Your always in my prayers, and so is the entire family:

"Streets of Heaven" by Sherrie Austin